Oscars, Fashion Week and the Dirtbag Manifesto

It was a dull year in film and a dull Oscars show. There was one absolutely brilliant moment, however, and almost no one knew it. In the "In Memoriam" section, they mentioned George Kuchar, who they listed as "experimental filmmaker;" that's like calling Keith Richards a "chemistry enthusiast." You've probably never heard of George or his brother Mike and their films, but their influence is growing; the black and white films of John Waters are direct descendants, for example. I recommend "Hold Me While I'm Naked." Here's his IMDB page.

As to the fashions... Gwyneth Paltrow was best dressed, though in an agonizingly-same-as-always way. I'd love to see her try a cerulean satin gown, just once. Note the large bracelet; it's a major theme this year.

There were mixed reviews of Jessica Chastain's dress. I liked it, but the bustline looks wrong. You can tell at a glance that it's Alexander McQueen she's wearing. The trend was little jewelry, but Jessica wore about $2Mil. This is what that kind of money gets you?

Exactly on trend was Stacy Keibler: hair waved to one side (oddly, it takes a lot of pins and hairspray to make it look natural), arm strap that looks like a fallen bra strap, neutral one-color dress with metallics.

Angelina Jolie showed a lot of leg, but looked skinny.

Some thought Jennifer Lopez showed too much breast.

Fashion (Victim) Week

Zelda Kaplan died at a runway show this year at New York's Fashion Week. She was seated in the front row, as she had been for at least my entire life. She was 95.
What I learned from fashion week

1) Why don't models ever smile? Paulina Porizkova once said it was because models tend to come from backwaters with poor dentistry, but that's not true. The minor reason is that smiling adds lines to the face; a relaxed face looks smoother. The major reason is that people like to look at smiling faces; if you're looking at the model's face, you aren't looking at the dress - and they're selling the dress, not the model.

2) Why are models so skinny? We've all heard "She's skinny; she can wear anything." It's true - models with curves have fewer choices that don't look wrong, so skinny models are more adaptable. Again, it comes down to showing off the dress: if the model bounces, you aren't watching the dress. This, surprisingly, is one of the less salacious videos of swimsuit model Kate Upton that illustrates the point:


What I learned about myself during fashion week, searching for redheaded models

1) Apparently, I prefer green eyes to blue.
2) There's a reason these girls are paid to wear clothes. I found a lot of naked photos and... was disappointed to the point I started to question my sexual preferences.
3) I think there's something genetic in what men find attractive. Out of the 600 models I researched, the overwhelming majority that I found attractive come from the exact same towns my ancestors did! Dutch and German predominate, with just a few British, Czech and Russian. The Brazilians (there's quite a few) are all of German heritage. When you think redhead, you tend to think Ireland and Scotland, but I only found one Irish lass I liked and no Scots.

Here's another Dutch choice (that weird thing on her forehead is "high fashion"):

But my vote for most beautiful woman in the world still goes to Russian model Katerina Martinovska:

4) The illusion disappears once you get past the still image. I found myself interested in a Dutch model, discovered her Twitter and Facebook and othe pages, discovered we had some things in common. And then discovered she was born in the mid-1990's. Yikes! My cyberstalking young girls ended right there!

Can you imagine trying to have a conversation, day after day, with, say, this woman? Kill me now.



5) I rediscovered that one can see how many times someone's clicked on a photo in this blog. So, say what you will, I know what  the perverts reading this blog like!

6) A catchy title to a post will get you more click-throughs, even if there's no relevance.

7) I really really miss running.