"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Oscars, Fashion Week and the Dirtbag Manifesto

It was a dull year in film and a dull Oscars show. There was one absolutely brilliant moment, however, and almost no one knew it. In the "In Memoriam" section, they mentioned George Kuchar, who they listed as "experimental filmmaker;" that's like calling Keith Richards a "chemistry enthusiast." You've probably never heard of George or his brother Mike and their films, but their influence is growing; the black and white films of John Waters are direct descendants, for example. I recommend "Hold Me While I'm Naked." Here's his IMDB page.

As to the fashions... Gwyneth Paltrow was best dressed, though in an agonizingly-same-as-always way. I'd love to see her try a cerulean satin gown, just once. Note the large bracelet; it's a major theme this year.
There were mixed reviews of Jessica Chastain's dress. I liked it, but the bustline looks wrong. You can tell at a glance that it's Alexander McQueen she's wearing. The trend was little jewelry, but Jessica wore about $2Mil. This is what that kind of money gets you?
Exactly on trend was Stacy Keibler: hair waved to one side (oddly, it takes a lot of pins and hairspray to make it look natural), arm strap that looks like a fallen bra strap, neutral one-color dress with metallics.

Angelina Jolie showed a lot of leg, but looked skinny.

Some thought Jennifer Lopez showed too much breast.

Fashion (Victim) Week

Zelda Kaplan died at a runway show this year at New York's Fashion Week. She was seated in the front row, as she had been for at least my entire life. She was 95.
What I learned from fashion week

1) Why don't models ever smile? Paulina Porizkova once said it was because models tend to come from backwaters with poor dentistry, but that's not true. The minor reason is that smiling adds lines to the face; a relaxed face looks smoother. The major reason is that people like to look at smiling faces; if you're looking at the model's face, you aren't looking at the dress - and they're selling the dress, not the model.

2) Why are models so skinny? We've all heard "She's skinny; she can wear anything." It's true - models with curves have fewer choices that don't look wrong, so skinny models are more adaptable. Again, it comes down to showing off the dress: if the model bounces, you aren't watching the dress. This, surprisingly, is one of the less salacious videos of swimsuit model Kate Upton that illustrates the point:
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What I learned about myself during fashion week, searching for redheaded models

1) Apparently, I prefer green eyes to blue.
2) There's a reason these girls are paid to wear clothes. I found a lot of naked photos and... was disappointed to the point I started to question my sexual preferences.
3) I think there's something genetic in what men find attractive. Out of the 600 models I researched, the overwhelming majority that I found attractive come from the exact same towns my ancestors did! Dutch and German predominate, with just a few British, Czech and Russian. The Brazilians (there's quite a few) are all of German heritage. When you think redhead, you tend to think Ireland and Scotland, but I only found one Irish lass I liked and no Scots.

Here's another Dutch choice (that weird thing on her forehead is "high fashion"):

But my vote for most beautiful woman in the world still goes to Russian model Katerina Martinovska:

4) The illusion disappears once you get past the still image. I found myself interested in a Dutch model, discovered her Twitter and Facebook and othe pages, discovered we had some things in common. And then discovered she was born in the mid-1990's. Yikes! My cyberstalking young girls ended right there!

Can you imagine trying to have a conversation, day after day, with, say, this woman? Kill me now.

5) I rediscovered that one can see how many times someone's clicked on a photo in this blog. So, say what you will, I know what  the perverts reading this blog like!

6) A catchy title to a post will get you more click-throughs, even if there's no relevance.

7) I really really miss running.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Gwyneth Paltrow was best dressed, though in an agonizingly-same-as-always way. I'd love to see her try a cerulean satin gown, just once.

O, listen to her. NOW the claws come out! MEE-OW!

If you want to see if you still like girls, check out the @$$ model here today.

Nice @$$. But where are the breasts?

ZOMG!1! That's probably a shapely BOY!1!

Karen said...

What you said about being genetically attracted to a certain heritage is interesting. My type seems to be Welsh.

joyRuN said...


So that's what Paltrow's dress looked like under that weird cape. The only pic I'd seen was with that cape, but I'm not surprised the dress underneath was great.

I liked Chastain's dress.

HATED JHo's dress. Fugly ass excuse of a dress.

Xenia said...

Models don't smile because they are HANGRY. Yes, I spelled that correctly.

I almost liked Natalie Portman's dress, but the polka dots ruined it.

pensive pumpkin said...

I also agree with the genetic thing. But then again, I am 3/4 "people forcibly unified under the Union Jack," no bonus points for guessing which three as, of course, I'm all off them; and 1/4 Blackfoot.

Moral of that story: do not challenge me to a drinking contest. You will lose. But I get a Blackfoot tan under a freaking lightbulb.

Diana said...

I thought most of the dresses were really boring this year. Agreed, Paltrow's dress was beautiful, but that stupid cape ruined it.
The model in the video had simply gorgeous hair. Did she say she's 17? 17!

SteveQ said...

@Diana: Yes, 17. That video is 8 years old now. And now you see where I got the shock when the girl I was interested turned out to be a teenager. Girls didn't look like that when I was that age.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Yes, Teh 'Bride told me first thing this morning about the death of DJ. I think the only reason she cared was because he was tiny and she loves little people. Leprechauns; trolls; elves; Welshmen ... you name it.

I am refraining from making any "the world of maracas-playing lost a virtuoso the other day ..." because I recently learned (not sure how or why) that, when the non-instrument-playing Monkees learned to "play" some instrument for touring, Davy was actually a far better drummer than Mickey but they wouldn't let him play drums cos you couldn't see him behind the kit.

So they gave him a tambourine or maracas.

I still couldn't make him out behind those things.

BrianFlash said...

I think that people in general from the British Isles are not that attractive. Now I know why - my German heritage has made the choice for me!