"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."








Sunday, July 3, 2016

Olympic Trials Masters Race

Here's some more good reasons to watch the Olympic Trials tonight, from a Facebook post by a friend of mine.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Where Stephen Hawking Goes Wrong

[I absolutely love being able to use that title.]

I always love when public television has a science series, at least until I've seen it; they start strong, but then end up in hand-waving and speculation and far removed from what the series promised. The most recent show, "Genius by Stephen Hawking" has the same problems, but because of the name attached to the show, people might be thinking "well, the guy's a genius, so he must be right."

Once again, the first episode of the series was excellent and the second was pretty good. Then it started to wobble just a bit. When discussing the possibility of traveling back in time, the people involved discover that it would require there being three of the time traveler simultaneously and they decide that creating matter out of nothingness makes it impossible. Hawking says, correctly, that "it's hard to imagine how this could happen on a large scale." That's technically true, but it does happen on the subatomic level. A particle moving at just under the speed of light has a finite probability (due to quantum mechanics) of going faster than the speed of light, which requires moving backward in time. This has been seen: the recorder shows what appears to be a particle moving normally, plus a copy of the particle and its anti-particle arising from it and then crashing into each other and annihilating each other. On a human scale, this would require this to happen maybe 100000000000000000000000000000 times, simultaneously, with each part shifting the same quantized amount - and then it might only last a fraction of a second.

But it is possible. And that's important for a point I'll make in a moment.

The show falters with the question of "Why are we here?" which becomes "Why are we in this location?" rather than "Why do we exist at all?" through subtle semantic shifts. He tries to cover the question of free will vs. determinism by stating that the brain, being made of matter, must act under the deterministic rules of physics (true, as far as it goes) and shows an experiment that demonstrates that the brain subconsciously makes a decision before the brain consciously is aware of it. Unfortunately, Hawking's understanding of the brain is no better than my understanding of black holes. All the experiment shows is that going from a thought to a thought about a thought takes time.

Consider going for a walk. You have to decide to put one foot forward and then decide to put the next foot forward, but unless you've suffered a brain injury (or are a toddler, in which case congratulations on reading so young), you don't consciously think about those decisions. That doesn't mean that you didn't choose to make them consciously.

Things really start to unravel when he postulates that every decision creates parallel universes. It's not a bad theory, but unprovable. He ends up saying that we are where we are deterministically because in this one chain of events, there was no other possibility. Unfortunately, this contradicts what he said earlier:

Let's go back to time travel. When one makes the decision to move back in time, the other two new "selves" that are necessary are now in parallel universes and one would not be aware of them! So time travel should be possible. In fact, with an infinite number of possible universes, it must happen, and frequently, but we are unaware of it.

There's more episodes to come. I wonder where we go next.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Twin Cities' Top Runners of 2001

I found my ranking of local runners from 15 years ago and thought it might be of some interest to others. Few people race well for 15 years, but those who had already been racing 15 years in 2001 are still racing - and finishing in the same order! If you're looking for a particular name, try putting it into the search box at the top of the page (one of the dozen women is listed under her maiden name). Track races, trail races and ultramarathons were not included. Many names appear twice, as two lists were merged (I started correcting it, then quit); in that case, the higher ranking stands. Each cluster of names are approximately equal. This was my "hit list" at the time - if you're looking for me, I put my name in bold.

Above ranking:
(Steve Plasencia)
(Joey Keillor)
(Kurt Keiser)

Kelly Mortenson, Russ Spangler, Mike Stoick

Derek Phillips

Steve Pasche, Dmitri Drekonja, Sean Mulheron

Ditlev Larsen, Matt Gabrielson, Allen Broderius, Jason Minnick

Eric Johnson, John Koch, Dan Carlson, Pete Miller, Chad Sellers, Eric Loeffler

Chuck Hubbard, Pat Billig, Kevin Haas, Todd Sheldon

Pete Morse, Dan Morse, Robt. Blake, Micah Grafenstein, Matt Barnard, Matt Sullivan, Noah Billig, Andy Kummer, Eric Pierce, Bob Hackley

Corey Ylinen, Doug Cowles, Mark Albrecht, Eric Hallman, Jason Owen, Ryan Ford, Steve Hibbs, Perry Bach, Adam Lindahl, Dave Helm, Matt Reinders, Ken Cooper, Dan Casper, John Krueger

Larry Mboga, Kurt Knueve, Levi Severson, Yonas Seyum, Matt Waite, Mike Cook, Paul Cornelison, John Vandanacker, Dave Heppner

Luke Mullranin, Todd Larsen, Jason Lindelof, Paul Chestovich, Tom McCarthy

Todd Sperling, Chris Kartschoke, Chris Lundberg, Chris Pikus, Ryan Kollman, Pete Prince, Ed Whetham, Ryan Steines, Brad Givot, Matt Schadow, Brian McCollor, Brian Smith, Pete Kessler, Dan Deuhs

Anthony Peter, Greg Sorenson, Todd Vandervort, Joe Haas, Jon Hogan, Tony Schiller, Judd Arnold, Andy McKessock, Kevin Doe

Chris Fuller, John Fehr, Mike Seaman, Nick Thoemke, Steve Kalina, Brian Preus, Bobby Paxton, Chris Leigh, Sean Brenkman, Rick Taplin, Dave Duede, Paul Giannobile, Brooks Grossinger, Andy Sherman, Brent McGrew, Eric Pierskalla, Mike Bialick, Jim Batchelor, Jay McElwain, Kai Richter, John Krueger, Jim Kappel, Josh DoBell

John Hager, Scott Niemela, Dave Larsen, Doug Keller, Ryan Rapacz, Todd Sheldon, Paul Cornelison, Gary Judson, Bob Peterfeso, Dave Kleingarn, Mark Kalar, Chris Pikus, Aaron Koehler, Mark Albrecht, Chip Cheney, Todd Sperling, Dave Larsen

Jay Nelson, Erik Quam, Jon Francis, Anth. Kinzley, Neil Grosscup, Scott Haugh, Brent McGrew, Tom Zimmerman, Jim Kappel, Steve Kangas, John Akins, Tyson Burke, Kelly Keeler, Chris Kartschoke, Petzi Keenan, Lance Mason, Bob Paxton, Keith Pilgrim, Rob Wetham, Brian Bessingpas, Tom Zimmerman

Ed Hasselman, Craig Yotter, Nick Maddox, Rick Mulvey, John Auel, Yonas Seyum, Nick Andrea, Kevin Wright, Andy Frederick, Doug Milkowski, Kyle Cannon, Torry Kraftson, Ben Mullin, Janet Robertz, Kirt Goetzke, Ryan Malmin, Tom McCarthy, Ryan Rapacz, Jim Gargano, Steve Hiras, Dennis Henseler, Anth. Kinzley, Andrew Keenan, Matt reier, Brent Loberg, Kermit Pattison, Mike Setter, Trent Riter, Ty Stevens, Terry Stewart, Terry Tupy, Ryan Malmin

Marian Chatenet, Steve Sinclair, Mike Stokfisz, Seamus O'Sullivan, Kevin Grigg, Marvin Denzer, John McKeehen, Pete Tollefson, Jacob Blood, Dave Anderson, Todd Blatti, Chuck Smith, Katie McGregor, Brent Loberg, Dan Beel, Leon Ball, Chris Babcock, Jeff LeMire, Kyle Meyers, Derrick Podratz, Mike Stokfisz, Todd Larsen, Mike Nawrocki, Chad Giese, Joe Papin, Jim Bengtson, Dan Jonah

Dave Kleingarn, Don Landin, Forrest Tahdooahnippah, Steve Gerncser, Bill Eggert, Mike Setter, Chip Cheney, Rob Whetham, Dave Tappe, Derek Harmon, Nate Trebilcock, Kevin Taddonio, Jim Bengtson, Todd Rowekamp, Mike Stella, Rich Heilman, Brian Fawcett, Scott Brown, Kevin Ball, John Akins, Jim Black, Toby Henkels, Chris Celichowski, Brian Fawcett, Mike Moulsoff, Tom Pletcher, Chip Cheney, Frank Campbell, Ephrem Woldeslassie

 Kirk Paulson, Kim Kauls, Dennis Wallach, Chad Giese, Steve Rodrigues, Wes Schwie, Scott Labat, Mike Schreamek, Warren Thomas, Mar Jang, Mike Welch, Bryan Ryhud, Martin Robek, Kurt Decker, Thom Goeltl, Jay Morgen, Pat McCarthy, Darren Ruschy, Jason Lindelof, Tom Wagner, Dain Larsen, John Anderson, Bob Rapacz

Frank Kennedy, Ben Kummer, Carrie Tollefson, Dennis Henseler, Sean Smith, Jeff Allen, Paul Chenoweth, Brian Whitley, Heriberto Vargas, Sean Laidig, Dave Peterson, Franz Klein, Jeff Heimer, Jesse Longley, Chris Celichowski, Aaron Koehler, Jon Black, Paul Cornelison, Mike Moulsoff, Tom Wagner, Brian Dixon, Eric Kaluza, Norm Champ, Brendan Hanley, Joe Barnes, Brian Dixon, Bev Docherty, Jay Morgan, Chris Mullen, Larry Mboga, Kevin Pilarski, Bonnie Sons, Dave Crocker, Jeff Stinson, Tom Kristo, Allen Lundberg, Mike Kilcoyne

Rasa Michniovaite, Duke Rembleski, Pat Eastman, Wm. Magdalene, Monty Mouw, Jon Gargano, Andy Larsen, Eric Stich, Kermit Pattison, Antonio Vega, Keith Pilgrim, Joe Turgeon, Jamie Drockman, Rob Holthus, Shawn Callahan, Chad Millner, Mike Campbell, Darrin Diedrich, Ken Davis, Mike Evans, Eric Kalmes, Jim Monson, Greg Swanson, Bruce Solheim, Dave VanOrsdel, Garret Tomczak, Ken Valley, Nick Gervino, Rick Mulvey, Paul Gisselquist, Dan Cohen, Ben Merchant, Jay Nelson, Mark Roth, Mike Sweeney, Brian Gilbertson, Mark Sweeney Jr., Jamie Comer, Jens Strand

Mark Myers, Jay Coggins, Tom Pletcher, Bill Boies, Mark kalar, Darren Ruschy, Mike Nawrocki, Frank Campbell, Brian Fendrich, Jerry Beutel, Kevin Osborn, Brian McCollor, Joanna Deter, Paul Case, Mike Gade, Mike VanBeusekom, Troy Vargas, Zach Edmonson, Dave VanOrsdel, Blake Johnson, Jack Ankrum, Danny Clark, Steve Moosbrugger, Dale Heinen, Doug Keller, Jon. Ortloff, Mark O'Connor, Tom Mose, Jim Sylvestre, Jim Robin, Sean Graham, Nick Graham, Dave Holden, Bob Johnson, Rick Mulvey

Evan Roberts, James Sylvestre, Garret Tomczak, Jim Evans, Dan Abercrombie, Bev Docherty, Brian St.George, Malcolm Richards, Troy Stresemann, Kristin Nicolini, Dale Heinen, Travis Nordrum, Chris Humbert, Steve Quick, Cale Konetchy, Nick Graham, Dave Rea, Jim Ramacier, Mark Engesser, Andy Soderberg, Brian Pelletier, Mike Mack, Justin Tuomela, Pat Gerst, Mike Januszewski, Chris George, Todd Blatti, TJ Brazi, Eric Cameron, Kirk Paulsen, Scott Brown, Mark Leduc, Jim Monser, Nick Maddox, Pat Tarnowski, Scott Thomas, Nathan Dolenc, Kevin Doe, Robt. Blase, Ben Kenyon, Staci Bennett, Mike Januszewski, Erik Kluznik, Jason Rengo, Kevin Blanchard, Dan Salazar

Ryan Cameron, Kirk Walztoni, Tom Goeltl, Scott Myers, Brett Osgood, Jim Grindle, Mitchell Kimmes, John Cretzmeyer, Ryan Gage, Tom Kristo, Al Lundberg, Kevin Timp, Nick Janssen, Tom Merriman, Mark Skildom, Mark Woomavovah, Debbie Leyden, Erc Ellingson, Marc Ellingson, Allan Bohlke, Mark Brunsvold, Brant Hollenkamp, Paul Hasse, Rick Hoska, Troy reine, Kurt Decker, Andy Sorenson, Joel Anderson, Chris Bayliss, John Cretzmeyer, Jim Evans, Marty Humphrey, Jerry Heaps, Nick Janssen, Jim Kelley, Don Kempf, Doug Kleemeier, Cale Konetchy, Craig Helmer, David Norton, Tom Roman, Corey Swan, Wade Folske, Jim Defoe, Doug Mascher, Bill Revering, Chris Humbert, Brian Helm, Brant Hollenkamp, Ben Ewers, Martin Lanz, Karl Adalbert, Jerry Beutel, Kevin Osborn, Allen Lundberg

Jerry Heaps, Mike Kilcoyne, Mike Niziolek, Jason Quarford, Keith Donovan, Chad Miller, Kevin Grafft, Jeff Vrudny, Chris Kohler, Jack Ankrum, Mark Leduc, Mike Ewasiuk, Christian Proetz, Dave Borner, Brad Bayer, Chris Johnson, Steve Simpson, Chris Boldt, Mike Evans, Greg Lindusky, Paul Brown, John Wolff, Andy Burton, Janis Klecker, Kari Campbell, Peyton Cook, Chris George, Anna Gulingsrud, Tony Kocanda, Bill Kretsch, Matt Kurke, Eric Meyer, Steve Manker, Joey Osmundson, Marc Nosal, John Naslund, Pete Prince, Troy Reine, Kidane Shurbe, Dave Sanders, Tom Styrbicki, Dan Streble, Malcolm Richards, Theo Rich, Mel Alvarez, Zack Bullis, Paul Brown, Mike Babcock, Alberto Cruz, Kyle Cannon, Shawn Callahan, Joel Fenske, Ray Fini, Doug Fryer, Kevin Flynn, Trevor Hartman, Wil Hafner, DerekHager, Mark Kassebaum, Joe Mrkonich, Stephen Maupin, Chris Nolan, Andy Peltier, Rick Peterson, Norm Purrington, Danny Ripka, Ethan Rooney, Pat Staiger, Steve Simpson, Tim Smith, Steve Smith, Mike VanBeusekom, Rod Zamorano

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Most Beautiful Woman 2016

People Magazine just released their issue declaring Jennifer Aniston as the most beautiful woman of the year. Earlier this year, I chose 16 year-old Russian model Daria Milky:

I thought it'd be a good time to detail my experiments with finding the most attractive female face possible.

Early days

20 years ago, I participated in a study that attempted to find what men found attractive in female faces and discovered that I always chose the most feminine face and was saying my ideal was somewhere past the end of their charts. Wondering if that made me some sort of freak, I discovered that there were some inherent problems with the study, which were never corrected in future studies; for one, "attractive" can either mean sexually attractive or aesthetically pleasing and the two are not the same - people naturally are attracted to the faces of babies, but do not find them sexually attractive (normally). Women tend to prefer female faces that are somewhat more masculine than men do - which led to a problem in studies of my own, which I couldn't correct after I discovered it.

Breeding photos like corn

Access to a rather clever photographic program and a supercomputer allowed me to do an experiment. I took six photos of what I considered attractive but unusual-looking women (4 European models, 1 South American model and 1 Bollywood actress) and attempted to extract features from them. The process I used was akin to inbred-hybrid family selection of low heritability traits in maize: 1) an average of the photos was made 2) each of the originals was changed to a proportion of the average deemed most attractive 3) a new average was created and the process iterated. This allowed for simultaneous selection for multiple features, corrected for partial and incomplete dominance and epistasis and should have eliminated the noise of experimental error (mutation, if you will).

What happened was that the most important factors became immediately fixed and then others could be selected. First, eye shape changed until the vertical measurement became one half the horizontal (beyond here lie monsters); then overall lip dimensions changed similarly. There were 26 geometric standards that I discovered. The first problem that arose was that the sample of six photos I used was too small, but more became unwieldly; the faces I started with led to some unusual characteristics that could not be altered easily - the eyes tended to become noticeably too large and the irises were no longer circular (an error that makes my photos easy to detect).

Because this could be only a local maximum, rather than a globally "best face," I started doing a ridge analysis, playing with color and expression. I quickly discovered a preference for cartoonishly vivid color. Then, working on expression, found that a "mildly pleased surprise" started to appear; this is akin to what models call "smiling with the eyes" and, when exaggerated, with an open mouth becomes "blow-up doll face." I was going to correct back from that when my computer access was halted. I ended up with:

An interesting, but odd face.
This face most closely resembles, in real life model Monique Olsen (not in the original 6):


My privileges were suspended when I showed that I could change faces as follows:

I used this last photo as a Twitter avatar for a year and many people thought it was real. A new, simplified version of the original program I used was released and I started trying to correct the mistakes I had made. The best face I created was:
The features are much softer than before, but I ended up with this awkwardly cropped photo. The face closest to it that I could find was a German lab's attempt to find the most attractive face:

The celebrity in real life that comes closest is Lucy Hale:

So, here's Jennifer Aniston, and here's an image that's 75% her and 25% "ideal face:"



I think it's an improvement.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Ten Essential Albums

Local radio station The Current (89.3 FM) is trying to compile a list of 893 essential albums and is asking people to nominate ten, admitting that choosing just ten is nearly impossible: http://www.thecurrent.org/feature/2016/03/23/893-essential-albums I decided not to try to choose my favorite ten or the "best" ten, but 10 albums that could cover nearly every facet of modern music. Their submission form doesn't let one justify their choices, so I decided to post my rationale here.

Blue Suede Shoes Smell Like Teen Spirit

As the name "Current" suggests, they keep trying to find new interesting music to play, to avoid becoming just college radio for aging hipsters; it was there that I first heard LCD Soundsystem, Gomez and Dr. Dog. Essential albums, however, take time to become fundamental, so I decided to choose albums from between 1954 and 1991. I also excluded classical and avant garde albums and those done in languages other than English.

The final 10

Bob Marley - "Legend." Every collection needs a reggae album, specifically, this one, a compilation of the most laid-back revolutionary music imaginable. 

"Chicago/ The Blues/ Today! volume 3." Chicago blues led to much rock and roll, but how does one choose between Muddy Waters, Little Walter and Elmore James? This volume of this somewhat obscure series has the best performances of a very young Charlie Musselwhite on harmonica and the best of the even better harp blower Big Walter Horton, neither of whom ever managed a great album on their own.

John Coltrane - "A Love Supreme." This is near the top of every list of must-own jazz albums. It's not my favorite jazz album - that would be Garner's "Concert By the Sea," followed by Ellington's "Blanton-Webster Band." It's not my favorite tenor sax record (Rollins' "Saxophone Colossus"). It's not even my favorite Coltrane ("Blue Trane"). But, if you're going to choose one artist, Coltrane edges Miles Davis and this album edges "My Favorite Things" as the one to own.

The Beatles - "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band." The most varied, yet most consistent, and also most influential album by the most popular band ever.

Tom Waits - "Rain Dogs." Between his troubadour lounge act years and his Cookie Monster as carnival barker years, Waits crafted this masterpiece, a perfectly balanced and realized poetic statement about the broken, tragic and ludicrous, "shining like a new dime" in a sea of "rag water, bitters and blue ruin."

Ry Cooder - "Paradise and Lunch." I needed something countryish, in this case by way of Texas and I needed a guitar hero (besides George Harrison). Virtuoso Cooder's ability to play anything has led to disjointed records - "now he's playing Hawaiian slack-string guitar!" - but this is consistently good, with interesting sidemen, like Harry Dean Stanton.

The Ramones - "The Ramones." The Clash may have been the only band that mattered for a while and the Sex Pistols grabbed the headlines, but for me, the Ramones were the ultimate punk band. I'm a punk at heart and could easily have picked nothing but records from 1977-78. "Rocket to Russia" is their most polished effort and has "I Wanna Be Sedated," but their first album is pure punk perfection.

Carole King - "Tapestry." By this time, you're wondering where the women are. King's songs span the girl group era, include a hit for Aretha Franklin and... oh, yeah, charted for 302 consecutive weeks (6 years!), 15 of them at #1.

"Nuggets." (1974) If you're under 70, whatever you might know about the Amboy Dukes, the 13th Floor Elevators or The Standells ultimately traces back to this two record album, long out of print. In the 1980's, Rhino Records stole the concept, the title and the tracks themselves, added material to expand to three records and then divided them so the psychedelia was all on one record, which I think spoiled it. This IS garage rock.

The Band - "The Last Waltz." To be complete, I needed something folk-tinged. I needed a live album. I needed a soundtrack. And what says overblown rock and roll excess like a three record album? This just happens to add Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton and Joni Mitchell.

So, how'd I do?

I expect 4 or 5 of my choices to make the final list. If I also cause people to seek out the albums they don't know, then I've done what the station does: introduce people to good music they might otherwise miss.

Friday, March 11, 2016

What I Talk about When I Talk about Injury

There was a good article written recently about injuries and their treatment that I thought I'd share:
http://www.irunfar.com/2016/03/the-remodel-project-an-inner-look-at-injured-tissue-healing.html

The only problem with this is that the author's never had what I call an injury, just setbacks. Here's what I'm talking about:

Stage 0: You have to stop running for a while, do some rehab and may have to do some maintenance work to keep running without the same problem recurring. All you've really lost is time. Those are setbacks. Though they can be serious, they're trivial and not what I call real injuries. Your running times may continue to improve, but you may never reach the heights possible before you got hurt.

Stage 1: It's irreversible. These are true injuries. If you break a toe (which I happened to do yesterday, dropping a pot on my foot), that's stage 0; if you LOSE a toe, that's stage 1. Every step afterward is different from every one before it. You think of your running career as "before it happened" and "after it happened." With these, you try to maintain what you've got as long as possible - you're never going to improve.

Stage 2: It's progressive. These are the injuries that end not just competitive careers, but threaten running as a pastime as well. Using that lost toe as an example, if you lost it due to diabetes, it was an injury that had been getting worse for some time and, if you don't work hard at it, you're probably going to lose more. Six years ago, I ran with a couple who were having a discussion of whether they took the brown pills or the blue ones and I found it charming and amusing at the time; I get it now - I, too, have arthritis in my joints (and the over-the-counter anti-inflammatories are brown and blue). It's progressive and I have to keep it in mind whenever I run.

Stage 3: It's accelerating. These are the scary ones. If you lost that toe [I'm regretting using that example, but I started with it... and my foot hurts] to bone cancer, you're worried about a lot more than your toe, or than continuing running. These are the injuries that require snowballing preventative and restorative procedures just to keep the rate of acceleration down. I have a stage 3 injury, too.

The worst thing about these injuries is that no one "gets" them until they get them. You don't understand what they are unless you have them. One friend recently asked me, "Don't you ever heal?!" The answer, is... of course not; I'm really injured. Another recently asked about my problem with a "heel bone spur," which is like calling tuberculosis "a cough."

Here's an old x-ray of my right heel. The blue line is where the outline of the bone should be.

All the "extra" bone is calcified scar tissue. What's worse, it's inoperable. At this point, if they shaved off all the extra bone, they also have to remove the Achilles tendons and replace them with the hallucis tendons, which, in my case, are as damaged as the Achilles; even if they could do it, I would have balance issues and still couldn't run. The podiatrists I've seen were stunned that I'm not in a wheelchair already. I'm writing the book on how to deal with the problem each day.

So, yeah, the jokes about entering the wheelchair divisions in races aren't terribly amusing. It's probably coming. Just not soon, if I have anything to say about it.

Enough with the gloom and doom!

First, you have to get philosophical about it. What I'm describing is not just running injuries, but life itself. When you're young, you're growing faster than you're losing from injury and everything is a growing experience. Eventually, however, you're fighting a losing battle and the exhaustion from fighting the battle causes you to lose even faster. Still, you fight on.

Second, incurable doesn't mean untreatable. You deal with the symptoms. You find work-arounds. You change things and do what you can do while you can still do. You accept.

I'm not done quite yet.



Wednesday, January 13, 2016

2016 Dreaded Yearly Fashion Report

This late after the event, most of the possible commentary's been done, but I still have a few thoughts about the Golden Globes red carpet.

First, the best moment of the night was when Amy Schumer was asked about her boyfriend/date and said (I'm paraphrasing): "I also wrote a movie I'm pretty proud of, but it seems the bigger story is that I found a man willing to sleep with me."

Amy wins the night [her dress was... okay].


The Pantone color of the year is a green between forest and kelly, but only one person tried it. Jaimie Alexander, who is covered in tattoos in her TV role, apparently wanted to show as much uninked skin as possible. The plunging neckline was a common trend of the night. Even though she was en pointe as far as that goes, the dress did little for her. The pockets are handy, though.

The woman who usually goes for the plunge - and gets comments from me about visible nipple guards, underwires, adhesive and tape - Jennifer Lopez, did not, and finally gets my vote as best-dressed. Mustard is a tough color to wear (this was a bit yellow chartreuse to goldenrod, which helps), but it did not make her look sallow. The cape, which has been a disaster since Gwyneth Paltrow a couple years ago, makes a triumphant return. The necklaces, which looks like a clasp for the cape are a perfect compliment and the matching bracelet and handbag aren't too much. The only flaw is that, as a presenter, the train was too long to be truly functional.

Kate Hudson has completed morphing into her mother in the 1960's. The "tube" bra top does not look good on anyone and the color just washes her out. The champagne to pink champagne color was everywhere that night.
A number of people liked Kirsten Dunst's dress. It's not terrible - the length is right, the simple black is an okay, if boring, choice, etc. It just isn't anything special - on a night of plunging necklines, she simply had the most noticeable assets.
Rooney Mara's dress is one of those that looks good only in very specific lighting circumstances. Most of the night, she looked pale even for an Irish lass. The texturing of the dress comes off as messy; doesn't it look like a bra strap fell to her elbow?
I've never seen "Shameless," but after two "whoa- who is that?" moments, I may have enough of a crush on her to watch her show. The dress is overly simple, but it looks good on her. And the lipstick is exactly right.
My worst dressed goes to Katy Perry and not just for the Elvira Misstress of the Dark hairstyle (and, if she dyed the dress black, she could be a horror hostess), but because I saw her adjusting the dress twice. When you have large breasts, low necklines require some serious structural foundation. That's why I rhapsodized over Siriano's 2010 orange dress for Christina Hendricks.
Remember?
Olivia Palermo has her own fashion line and a show no one's seen, "The City." This dress tries. It really tries. It just belongs on channel 253.
Jessica Oyelowo was another "who is THAT?" contender. She was there for her husband's work, but really, no one can tell you what David was wearing even though it was purple check. She's stunning.
Alicia Vikander can do no wrong this year, in most opinions, whether in acting or fashion. The knife-sharp pleats on this were great, but I hated the crossed back straps and, from the front it looked to me like poorly hung curtains.
You know I was searching for new redheads and found Sarah Hay. I've never heard of her or "Flesh and Bone," but she got my attention. The gown - Marquesa - has too much tulle and is the wrong color for her. Anything dark against that skin would've been showstopping.
Amber Heard. Why others like this, I don't know. Her lipstick matches the neckline of the dress. That's all.
Brie Larson in Calvin Klein was one of the most talked about. The metallic champagne trend of past years has I hoped reached its conclusion. The dress looks fresh and young, like its wearer, and it drapes well. The parallel curve of the hip cutout and top of the bra is a nice detail, as is the unusual neckace-like neck.
I'm including Bryce Dallas Howard simply because she bought her dress out of a catalog. Granted, it's the Neiman-Marcus catalog and it's a Jenny Packham dress (marked down to $660 when I looked, undoubtedly sold out by now).
Caitriona Balfe ("Outlander") is another complete unknown to me, but I know an Alexander McQueen dress when I see one [hate that the best photo has that huge lettering]. The feathery sleeves look like too much at first, but they're necessary; without them, the dress is a bottom-heavy sheath. It seems you can wear a mermaid gown and a ball gown at the same time - just wear one under the other! Consider her the thinking-man's best-dressed.
Gina Rodriguez. Too formal for the occasion, too long (note how beautifully fitted it is from waist up and how baggy below).
I don't like Eva Longoria, but I'm going to defend the dress others have derided. The bow-tie neckline is an under-seen and appreciated touch (it looks like she's wearing a bolo tie!) and the matching belt is a good idea, if riding too low [perhaps a wider belt is needed, if she's naturally short-waisted]. She was trying to emphasize her Texican heritage and the details, including the embossing, were a nod to that. The print on her hip is required - the dress is too simple without it - it's just a little too distracting. A more delicate print, a little smaller, would've worked.
Jennifer Lawrence got generally rave reviews (though I don't think she should've won an award...) She finally wore a dress she could walk in. The necklace looks like part of the dress. Her hair accentuates the clean lines. The cut-outs! The cut-outs actually DO something other than show skin and look like holes. The cut-outs make the waist look tapered and draw attention to the draping of the top. Dior designed a true winner of a dress.


I liked Kate Bosworth's dress; many didn't. I still say you shouldn't wear designs that look like they sit on your nipples [wow am I talking a lot about boobs whenever I do these posts], but this doesn't seem too overly busy, the color is a good choice and it's a flattering silhouette.


Lady Gaga tried for 1950's movie star glam. She should've stopped before the bullet bra, though. The padded (I hope) hips don't really help.

Don't try to impersonate Anita Ekberg unless you have a fountain handy.

Corinne Foxx continued the streak of very pretty teenage "Miss Golden Globes" of recent years, but looked much more mature than the others; her dress did not look like a prom dress! Is it just me, or does she look eerily like a Disney princess?


As for the usual suspects (cough, cough, Maggie Gyllenhaal) and those who've earned the right to dress as they wish (Jane Fonda), I'll leave the catty comments to others. There was a rainbow of colors for once, though mostly monochromatic - darn it, Palermo's dress is growing on me - and the gold metallic dress, little black dress on steroids and dull white dresses have not stopped. There's little to say about shoes, as floor-sweeping dresses were everywhere. Jewelry and handbags were mostly not attention-grabbing, so were correct.