"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Worst possible choice of words

This is scheduled to post while I'm running the 50K. So, no, I didn't take a break somewhere on the trail to type.

I frequently get asked to write down my dating stories, but never get around to it. This is one of the most-frequently mentioned.

Susan and I were going to a movie on a first date; that's usually not a great idea, as you spend your time not speaking or looking at each other, but this was at the Science Museum, so we could wander around ahead of time and I could show off my science background in all its dorky charm.

Unfortunately, my car's radiator decided to have a problem that day. It was an old hose that had cracked and needed to be replaced. I walked to the auto parts store and got a new one, then tried to do the repair in time to get cleaned up for the date. Each time I connected one end of the hose, the other would fold over and I couldn't bend it into a round enough shape to connect it. I tried various things, like jamming things into that end to force it to stay round, but attaching the one end either blew out the plug or it became impossible to remove.

My brothers have more and better tools than I do, working in fields from custodial to medicine, so I started calling them asking if they had an idea on what I needed. Tom said he had something that'd probably work, so he came over and dropped off a tool I'd never seen before.

It worked like a charm. I got the hose on and, so I wouldn't forget to return the tool, threw it on the floor in the front of the car, then got cleaned up and went to pick up Sue.

We walked from her apartment to the car and I opened the door for her. She was about to step in, paused, and asked, "What the hell is that!?" I told her - and she started yelling and swearing and stomped off back to the apartment.

Not knowing what her problem was, I went to the movie alone.

Later, I called my brother and told him his tool worked. "What was that, anyway?"

" A speculum."

"What's a speculum?"

"It's used in gynecology." (Tom's a family physician)

"Oh.... that explains it. It was probably the worst choice of words possible when she asked me why I had that in the car and I said 'It's just something I needed to get my hose straightened.'"


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

He's still available, ladies! And I hear he uses a dildo to mix up his cherry fudge batter!

Which, technically, isn't "cherry" anymore after the mixing.

joyRuN said...

Haha! Wrong choice of words indeed.

I don't know enough about auto parts to even imagine how on earth a speculum could have come in handy. Geez!

Hope your race is going well & pain free.

Londell said...

Almost to hard to believe but with you, very believable!

Xenia said...

I'm still giggling over this. Awesome.