Cookie Quality Deprivation

I have a slight hamstring pull and it's snowing (hard, like 7 inches so far and no end in sight, and we're all a little cranky in the hinterlands today), so it's time to ramble about something unrelated to anything.

My sister brought me some Girl Scout cookies. I'm not sure whether that means she's on a diet or she just thought it was a good excuse to see if I'm still alive, but I hadn't eaten any of these in at least 10 years and probably 20... yes, one more example of how out of touch with everyday life I am. They were awful [and as the old joke goes, "and such small portions!"] and I had to think hard to recall whether they had changed since I'd last had them or if they were never much to begin with. The waxiness of the thin mints chocolate was the same, but that's all I remembered. Looking at the ingredients, it's a checklist of things people are supposed to avoid, from trans fats to preservatives to artificial colors.

Why do people look forward to these? Have you never had a real cookie?

Only slightly better were the Sweet Martha's cookies at the Minnesota State Fair. People had rhapsodized about them, about how they wait all year for them... and they're just simple chocolate chip cookies - and not very good ones. A million people walk through the gates of the fair and almost none of them can resist a freshly baked cookie, no matter how bad it is. One of the highlights of Rocky's Run in November is Mrs. Racette's bringing her chocolate chip cookies; it's always a delight to see her (I knew Rocky a little; we ran for the U of M at the same time), but the cookies? Nestle's Toll House - which, for the record, is a pretty fine recipe for a middle-of-the-road cookie. If that's the only homemade cookie you have all year, I suppose you'll think it's heavenly.

The closest most people get to a cookie is cookie dough ice cream and even that dough is a Frankensteinish experiment in chemistry masquerading as food. Why do you eat this?

I just made my mother's famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Including prep and clean-up, it took one hour to make 40 cookies; an hour of my time is a small price to pay to not eat bad cookies. But something odd has happened: they've become too rich for my taste! My food calorie guide lists typical 3" cookies as 52-58 calories each and mine come in at 106. They seemed a bit greasy and sugary.

It's time for Steve's Evil Kitchen to re-open. Experiments along the way just may make it to race aid stations and state park parking lots this spring. Look for the crowds and follow the aroma.