When I went to pick up Angie for our dinner date, I had to spend some time talking with her roommate while Angie did her last-minute preparations (I think she was waiting for the primer and base coat to get tacky before applying top coat and sealer). Her roommate opened the refrigerator and I noticed there was a bottle of prune juice and a bottle of cranberry juice, so I immediately asked myself "Am I dating the one with heavy periods and constipation, or the one with the yeast infection?" because that's what those products always mean.
Turns out, Angie was both. I know because she told me. During dinner.
- Oh, so that's her deal. That's why she's still available. She has no boundaries. That's okay, I can live with that. [Obviously. I mean, look at what I'm writing here!]
Then she went on to say that Obama isn't really our president because he wasn't born in the United States.
- Oh Lord, she's one of them!
I pointed out that both his birth certificate and the hospital records show he was born in Hawaii and that both can be viewed on the internet. She said that those were fake. Then she went on to say that it didn't matter anyway, because Hawaii wasn't part of the U.S. at that time. I (trying to rein in what I would ordinarily say) pointed out that Hawaii became a state in 1959 and had been U.S. territory since 1900. She told me I was wrong.
- I can live with opposing political views (my dad and I canceled each other's votes every time). But defiantly ignorant? Stupid and unwilling to accept undeniable facts like the statehood of Hawaii???
This date was obviously not going to go anywhere, so I started playing the game of: just how hot would she have to be for me to overlook how awful her personality is?
Then she suggested not leaving a tip, because "we shouldn't encourage those people coming here and taking our jobs."
- Oh, so when did you wait tables at this restaurant, Angie?
Wow, a reactionary bigot. Just how hot would she have to be....
Ummm, where was I?
No, there just isn't such a thing as hot enough to, um...
Maybe I should get back to running in nasty weather. I could use a cold slap in the face.
Added disclaimer: this story was highly embellished. That should be obvious. The irritation level was about right and I didn't want to appear too picky. The details were correct, but "Angie" is a mix of four different women.