"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."








Friday, August 13, 2010

How to Deal with Creeping Charlie

A short, practical guide to lawn care:

1) Mark the outline of the creeping charlie patch in the lawn and hand pull as much of the stuff as you can. Dispose of carefully, or you'll just spread it.

2) Mix 10 ounces of 20 Mule team Borax in a gallon of water and spread over 1000 square feet (more will kill everything, less is ineffective).

In the spring, when the weed is flowering:

3) Spray the area with a herbicide containing 2,4-D.

4) Spray the area with a herbicide containing triclopyr.

5) Spray the area with a herbicide containing dicamba.

6) Spray the area with a herbicide containing quinclorac.

7) Spray the area with a herbicide containing glyphosate, which will kill all plant life, then sow the soil with salt so nothing will ever grow again. Soak the soil with kerosene and set it on fire. Pour a slab of concrete over the area.

8) Decide the creeping charlie growing through the concrete is attractive.

8 comments:

Diana said...

My first thought to dealing with it was just not to care at all. But I didn't know what the plant was (apartment dweller that I am) so I looked it up. Apparently you can eat it in salads (says the information god, Wikipedia). You could harvest it and sell it at an organic farmer's market, controlling the growth and making some sweet cash in the process. Then again, that sounds like a lot of work, so I will return to my original suggestion.

nwgdc said...

Next, please address how to deal with Creepy Glaven.

SteveQ said...

Nic, I really expected him to have a Viet Cong reference by now.

Diana, I thought of getting rid of it by finding a market for it and then having my neighbors steal it.

RBR said...

Hilarious, that stuff is like a Star Trek plant.

It is like cellulite, you can hate it. You can spend thousands of dollars and thousands of hours trying to get rid of it, but the fact is, once you have it, you have it.

Xenia said...

Damn it, Steve, you stole my thunder! I was going to say:

Having Vietnam flashbacks again, Steve?

I know you're too young to have served, but it would still have been an awesome jab. Thanks for ruining it.

*pout*

Mike Russell said...

I thought this post would be about "that guy" who runs behind you the entire race, using you as a pace rabbit and then slingshots to the finish for the win.

Well done.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

@Nic - Next, please address how to deal with Creepy Glaven.

Who you callin' creepy? Plus, "address"? Look who's talking! I know you took them down, but there used to be some really good pix of a certain quack chiro in A DRESS posted on a certain moribund blog.

@SteveQ - "Viet Cong"? Pfttt! Way to adopt the invaders' invented terminology! They prefer to be called the National Liberation Front.

And the best way to kill creeping charlie is to get my dog Morgan to pee on it because his pee is what Agent Orange aspires to be.

@RBR - It is like cellulite, you can hate it. You can spend thousands of dollars and thousands of hours trying to get rid of it, but the fact is, once you have it, you have it.

Sounds to me more like what you have there is herpes, RBR. Just my opinion.

wildknits said...

Wow - not only a good post but the comments so far are hilarious (excepting mine - boring as usual).

I have made peace with the creeping charlie in my yard, though insist it stay out of my gardens (kind of like the agreement I have with the mice and spiders - stay out of MY living space and everything will be okay).