"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wake Up and Smell the Panic

Training's been... interesting. That's "interesting" as in when you see an ugly baby and there's no way you can say what you're really thinking, so you say, "What an interesting-looking child."

Yesterday was the one day this month it's not supposed to rain, so I had to cut my grass. I was so drained, I had to do it in two halves with a nap in between (Can I do a marathon that way?) Just dragging myself to the park to run has been challenging, now that I have to start thinking about running a certain pace, rather than creep up and down a hill all day at whatever pace gets me there.

Bootcamping myself into shape was a lot easier before I got old - I really think wrinkles cause frictional drag. I'm currently in about 3:30 marathon shape and trying to convince my body it can do 3:00, so training pace has become sub-8 min./mile, which is current marathon pace. This is hard! The easy days are hard. The fast bits are almost impossible. The total is impossible, now.

The idea is NOT to actually do all the workouts as I write them down, but to get as close to them as I can, knowing I'm going to fail miserably. Then (cue John Houseman's voice from "The Paper Chase") "if you survive, you'll come out" not thinking like a lawyer - thank God - but failing by a smaller margin week by week.

I'm managing to keep my sense of humor at least. This morning I snorted coffee out of my nose at what was not meant to be funny. A man was going to be interviewed and was introduced as "Men's Health" magazine's grooming editor. [snort] I was raised to believe that all honest work is respectable, but... c'mon. Grooming editor? That's way funnier than anything you'd hear on "Last Comic Standing!"
Today's favorite random thing:


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahahahahaha! "Grooming" editor! Hahah--

... I don't get it.

Yesterday's post was 11 words long. Today's, by my calculation, is nearly 50% longer (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!1!) - it could have used a grooming editor, because it needs to be cut (OY, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID TO HER GENTILE LOVER!1!), imho.

Stop yer belly-aching! I just signed up for a trail run for this weekend, and it's gonna be FIVE miles! Don't you feel foolish NOW with all this talk about YOUR tough training? TRY RUNNING 5 MILES in MY shoes!1!

Because I'm older than you so my body creates more wrinkle-drag (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!1!). So 5 miles is the equivalent of a marathon for me. By my calculations.

FIRST!1! (by my calculations.)

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I like the part at the 30 second mark where they stick a Big, Throbbing, Veiny ... er ... cigar in the dude's mouth.

(That's what she said.)

SteveQ said...

G: My body types post had me thinking about Claudia Jennings, who made a dozen films before dying in an accident: Gator Bait, Truck Stop Women, Great Texas Dynamite Chase... they don't make 'em like that anymore - movies or women.

JojaJogger said...

Down here in the south, you can actually call a baby ugly, as long as you follow up with a certain phrase. For example: "that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen, bless his heart!" I must have looked really bad running in the heat the other day because I didn't even get the preliminaries, all I got was a "bless your heart!"

Colin said...

You've got tons of time -- why are you "bootcamping" yourself into shape? Just take it fairly easy for a month or so, building up volume and pace as it comes. What you need now is consistent training. The way to get your body into 3:00 shape is certainly not to train as if you were already in 3:00 shape.

Having recently run my first-ever sub-3:00 marathon (at 40, after 6 years of trying), let me point out that I ran an all-out 10K three months earlier in 40:24. I clearly wasn't in 3:00 shape then, nor was I training at those paces, but after a few months of consistent training it came together ...

You're way more talented than me -- work on your consistency (using a realistic training plan) and you'll do great!

RBR said...

What? You don't see the crucial need for a 'grooming editor' in a "Men's" magazine? I find that so surprising. I learn something new about you everyday.

I always had the rule, if a guy had more hair products in the shower than me I will not date them, because they are a total, f-ing GIRL and if I am going to date a girl, she will at least have a nice rack.