"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Friday, June 11, 2010

Recent correspondence

[This has been altered, but not as much as you might think.]

From: Ex-U-Date Matchmaking, Inc.

Dear Mr. Quick,

I'm sorry we have been unable to match you with any of our clients over the past year. On the rare occasions this occurs, I personally look into the account to see what can be done to remedy the situation.

First, you might consider having your portrait taken by a professional photographer. The photograph you supplied is fine, but you want to be seen in the best possible light.

Second, your income does not match your age and education. This is becoming more common during the recession, but you might consider taking on a second or even third part-time position.

Third, there are a couple of red flags I found under your interests. While a large proportion of our clients are runners and avid readers, 3000 miles and 100 books each year may be seen as obsessive.

Lastly, I did a quick background search similar to what I expect most of our clients do before agreeing to meet someone. I saw your blog. You, sir, are too weird and creepy to date.


Leah P. Amundsen,
President, Ex-U-Date


Needlerunning said...

Holy crap! I am dying laughing over here.

"You, sir, are too weird and creepy to date."

Cannot believe someone would actually write that in a letter.

sea legs girl said...

I'm sorry that it just too funny. But come now, Needle, it wasn't a real letter. I think Steve is taking us for a ride :). When he said "altered...but not as much as you think" it may have meant he once received something from a dating website saying he should update his photo. How far off am I, Steve?

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...


Leah P. Amundsen

Sounds like Leah wants you for herself.

Xenia said...

Okay, I know you added in the last part, but did they actually say the comment about your running and reading being obsessive? I'd think any woman would be glad to find a man who was both fit and an avid reader. Craziness.

Anonymous said...

Too funny - Too true - Love it!

SteveQ said...

No one seems to have noticed my favorite part: the name of the company. "Exudate" is seepage!

@SLG: I discovered an old girlfriend was running a matchmaking service and thought it'd be funny to join. She wouldn't have responded like that if she hadn't known me so well.

@G: She's had me. She knows better.

RBR said...

*raises hand* I noticed, but then anything that is gross, biologic, and that will make teenagers go "Ewwww. Ms. R, what is wrong with you?! Why do you think that way?" is the norm for me.

But it does make me wonder about the other implied meaning of Ex-U-Date, so is this some sort of booty call arrangement? Inquiring minds and all...