[This has been altered, but not as much as you might think.]
From: Ex-U-Date Matchmaking, Inc.
Dear Mr. Quick,
I'm sorry we have been unable to match you with any of our clients over the past year. On the rare occasions this occurs, I personally look into the account to see what can be done to remedy the situation.
First, you might consider having your portrait taken by a professional photographer. The photograph you supplied is fine, but you want to be seen in the best possible light.
Second, your income does not match your age and education. This is becoming more common during the recession, but you might consider taking on a second or even third part-time position.
Third, there are a couple of red flags I found under your interests. While a large proportion of our clients are runners and avid readers, 3000 miles and 100 books each year may be seen as obsessive.
Lastly, I did a quick background search similar to what I expect most of our clients do before agreeing to meet someone. I saw your blog. You, sir, are too weird and creepy to date.
Leah P. Amundsen,
Aid Station: Eugene Curnow
2 hours ago