"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

"Andy Dick Is My Life Coach"

Yesterday's run was supposed to be 15-16 miles in two hours. Unfortunately, it was 95 degrees by the time I started running and I was groggy from my mid-afternoon siesta (the early-afternoon one was more refreshing); I'd been trying to quickly acclimate to the sudden heatwave by not using air conditioning and sleeping in my attic - which resulted in not sleeping at all.

I ended up hitting the first mile under 7, then sputtering and calling it quits at 3 miles. This training is going nowhere fast (quite literally).

What do you think about on long runs?

I get asked that question a lot. The answer is mundane, if rather unexpected: I usually think about the run itself. Or I think about nothing at all. Most people let their minds drift while they run and want to be distracted (thus the popularity of listening to music while exercising), but I don't do much of that until I'm really in trouble and suffering.

During the last long run, when I got to that point, I thought about how my life would be different if there had been one major change at age 20: today I'd be married (no kids; the woman in question couldn't have them), working as an engineer for a while and then probably buying out the wife's mother's business (which is really struggling at the moment), spending my vacations at places having conventions I didn't want to attend... and not running very much. In some ways, it's the life I always wanted and in some ways it sounds awful.

Then I thought about some runners I know who seem to be forever talking about their trainers, coaches, physical therapists, sports physicians and scores of others helping them to run, when I just shrug at each injury and keep going. That's when I started thinking of things like "John Goodman is my trainer." That's whence today's title: when tired and hurting, my brain thinks silly things.

And then I type them.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Frankly, I had already figured out all on my own that a Dick of some sort had had a big influence on you and your life choices.

I'm just glad it wasn't me.

BTW, re: your comment at my blog:

The fact that Outlook didn't pick up on the existing solecism, but rather flagged a nonexistent one hardly disproves my point that Micro$oft products are f*cktarded. Rather, it underscores it.

Also: F*ck verbs. They all a bunch of overrated prigs.

Literally (<--used in the same sense that you used it when you said your training is "quite literally" going nowhere fast; i.e., NOT literally)

GeorgiaSnail said...

They should make a show in which Andy Dick tries to find a suitable assistant....

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Re: The Link you left:

Ian's 10 now and you'd think poop would not be that big a topic with him anymore.

You'd be wrong.

He's very open about it - the act itself; with Ian, it's as though the bathroom doesn't even have a door (he'll be a marathoner for sure, with that level of openness) - and it was only a couple of month ago that he stopped insisting I accompany him to the WC when the need to go struck him at, e.g., a restaurant.

He has a health class now, so he's starting to talk more about his penis. At first, I didn't look forward to having "the talk" with him, but I realize I have a loophole: When he asks where babies come from, I'm gonna say, "The Newark airport. That's where we got you."

This is not technically a lie.

EAT IT, parents who didn't adopt!1!

Scream'n Turtle said...

I'm a "mind Drifter" while running. Mondays 12 miler, I had no clue where 5 of those miles went. Total blackout-daydream. I love those runs! Thanks for my Garmin, or else my training log book would look of slim picken's.
Heat does funny things-some thrive , some melt, but at least you nailed 40 big one's at Superior.
Things starting to live'n up ,uhhh?

joyRuN said...

I can't tell if you're genius(TWO naps!) or nuts (sleeping in the attic with no a/c to acclimate to the heat).

I guess those two characteristics don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Jennythenipper said...

Twin Cities area emergency room attendants would like to remind you that doing double digit runs in 90+ weather is stupid and you should knock that shit off now before you die. Twin Cities trail runners would like to congratulate you on your ingenious training strategy: sleeping in attic w/o AC on hot day.

RBR said...

Twin Cities area emergency room attendants would like to remind you that doing double digit runs in 90+ weather is stupid and you should knock that shit off now before you die.

I like Jenny the nipper (which I first read as 'Jenny the stripper' so I figured her for an ex). She is smart. Listen to her.

I could have SWORN I commented on this. Maybe you are deleting my comments? Or do restraining orders now extend to the cyber world? Curious. :)

The title is hilarious. 2 snorter at least. Then again maybe I relate too much.

(For clarification I relate to the To the Andy Dick life coach part, NOT the running crazy distances in 90+ degree weather with all available oxygen bound in water vapor, nor the sleeping in the attic with no AC to acclimate quicker, that is DO NOT get.)

RBR said...

Oh, and if I had chosen my alternate path (you know, the one that did not include being a drug addict in my teens and early 20's) I would be married to a local district attorney, be a practicing veterinarian, have 2.3 kids, a mortgage I could not afford, and no doubt I would take copious amounts of pills and alcohol every night to quiet the voices that told me to kill myself or him.

In my opinion, the life we have is the life we wanted. Whether we think so or not, and whether we like it or not.

SteveQ said...

RBR, if you're digging this far back in my posts, you might want to look back a bit in Glaven's. There's an insult there just waiting to be discovered.