Sorry about that meaningless title. "Tempest in a Teapot" sounded trite, so I pulled out one of my Titles I'd Like to Use Some Day (another is "I Can't Run: I Have a Hangnail").
Yesterday's run was supposed to be four repeat miles at 5K pace. I ended up running 12 miles, with one in 5:36. Not exactly 5K pace! It was really an easy mile, so I could probably break 5 if I trained for it, but that's not my goal. It is so much easier for me to train fast than to train long; that seems to be the opposite of everyone else who reads this blog.
Oversharing you can skip
Thanks, everyone, for the well-wishing. I'd been down for a long time, but the breaking point came with a realization that was awful and then, eventually, wasn't. It takes a little explanation.
If you have a family medical history, you have an idea of what illnesses you're likely to get. On my father's side, it's heart disease and alcoholism; on my mother's there's a mixed bag of cancers, diabetes and senility. Lots of fates to choose from, but I now know which one will probably me mine.
I don't think I have any memories of my mother's father before he was senile, but he was 71 when I was born and he wasn't really bad until his last three years (age 84-87). My mother had the same problem - closer to Pick's disease than Alzheimer's, but not classified - and I took care of her during her last years. The final three years she wasn't able to dress, feed or bathe herself and couldn't tell day from night, so she had to be watched 24 hours a day. She was 82 when she died, but I saw the first sign of the illness in her when she was 60.
I saw the first sign of it in myself this past week. I pictured a future of having my diaper changed by strangers in a nursing home - and that pushed me over the edge. It took a while for me to put things in perspective:
1) I saw the symptom because I was looking for it. I'm probably in the same position both my mother and her father were in at the same age, so I've got 30+ good years left. I can live with that!
2) Worrying about decline in mental function is a bit ludicrous given the starting point. So it takes me 10 minutes to do the NY Times cross-word puzzle, rather than 5 - boo hoo. (btw, that was NOT the symptom!) Until I have something to worry about, there's no reason to get upset.
3) Given that I know what few things one can do to ameliorate the mental decline and I'm doing them (diet, exercise, difficult mental tasks), I may not have as bad a decline as they did.
Today's problems are enough for today. Back to life as usual.
Never ending rain
3 days ago
12 comments:
Okay. But if you're done with the dead hooker, can I borrow her?
Seriously, though, you're right. I'm actually contemplating writing yet another music post (that no one will read) on Jim Morrison and the Doors and I'm thinking of Jim's famous lyric, "No one here gets out alive." Regardless of what you may believe comes next, our common fate is decline and death.
Okay, that sounds a bit like a bummer, but it doesn't have to be. I remember when I was trying desperately to get Teh 'Bride to agree to let me choose the Doors' "Crystal Ship" as our wedding song (a horrible pick, I now concede, but not for the reasons Teh 'B. adduced), and to her admonition, "No DEATH MUSIC!" I responded: "The first word of the song is 'before'. 'Before you slip into unconsciousness'."
That's the thing. That's what we have some partial control over: what we do before. I can't get all pollyanna-ish over our common fate, and I see no point in denying it, pretending it's not waiting for us, but the only thing that ever pulls me out of an existential depression - which I indulge in, from time to time - is that "before".
We've both got a few years of "befores" in front of us, barring anything catastrophic, right? There's still a lot worth living for.
So let's LIVE.
Welcome back from the brink, brother!
Since I know you care, Teh 'Bride wanted "I Melt With You" (BLEH!) for our wedding song. We compromised on Van The Man's "Moondance".
I feel this was a victory for me because Van's last name is also Morrison.
"I Melt With You" makes me think of the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
There's a moment in "Moondance" when Morrison does something weird with his voice - half humming, half ululation - that I've never heard anywhere else. I couldn't use it at a wedding, because I'd have to point out to everyone "How COOL is that!"
Glad you are feeling better.
IMO, all we have is right now. even 10 minutes from now is not guaranteed.
That may make me sound simple, but then again it takes me significantly longer (and possibly a mobile shout out to my dad) to do the NY Times crossword puzzle.
You simply can't expect that a physician who used to do dementia research at Harvard is NOT going to ask what that "symptom" is. There is always that 0.000001% (hmmm... how many zeros to add?)chance that you are wrong and it was not a sign of senility.
Yeah, we'd like to know the symptom, but I guess you can say MYOB if you want. I think you have a really great attitude about the dementia/senile possility moving forward. Day by day is the best way. And taking care of yourself.
I bet none of you family were runners. I am not trying to say that running is a panacea for all ills of this world but close to it. Seriously, there has been some serious research that high aerobic exercise like running protects against dementia. But then you probably know that.
As for looking for symptoms, just don't. If I did every time I forgot where my car keys were I would have checked myself into an institution by now. BTW, my mom has Alzheimer's so I worry and then I run. Except when I am injured which is now.
There are so many things to worry about like car accidents, earthquakes, 2012 (LOL) and so on.
Yup, "we're all gonna die some day" (there is a song out there... just can't think of who did it).
Having an idea of what the end could be like is disturbing...
Glad to hear you have some perspective on it and have figured out how to move forward.
Your running pace is awesome - and I don't even go near crossword puzzles ;->
Wow, you should get a job for a news agency writing those intriguing, misleading soundbites advertising the news (details at 11 pm) that keep me awake WAY longer than I want to be. Don't mind the dead hooker...
I laughed really hard when I saw "Don't Mind the Dead Hooker" appear in my blog roll! :)
It was really good to see your post, and I hope things continue to improve for you, Steve. Take care!
Uh ...
"Come on baby, gonna drown tonight
Goin' down down down ..."
-Final lyrics of "Moonlight Drive"
(Ignore if you were being sarcastic when you called it "one of the Doors' more upbeat songs".)
It is also preceded, on the album, by "Horse Latitudes", in which the drowning of a bunch of horses is described. So ... kind of the song's introduction, in a way.
That a boy Steve-good job on getting back on the horse.
I guess this means we'll be throwing out the words, "how's this blood taste" real SOON..
I'll make sure I have my earplugs in by then.
Your a warrior my -man!!
Keep it up and take care,
I'm still awaiting that handshake!!
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