L. and I broke up last night (right after she dumped me). That's the shortest relationship ever; I mean, I've had dates that lasted longer. Where'd it go wrong?
First, you have to know what a catch I am. I've got it all: questionable grooming and hygiene, shaky finances, major personality flaws I don't work on... yeah, she's gonna miss me. Here's the final straw (and the fact that I'm posting it proves I'm a winner):
I found a bunch of rub-on tattoos of Dora the Explorer, Spongebob, etc. and I couldn't resist cutting them into the shapes of letters and giving L. a "tramp stamp" with them while she slept. She'd never have known, except she finally went to her spinning class and those behind her broke out laughing.
No, I won't say what it was I wrote on her back, but my first impulse was "wide load."
Ladies, New Year's Eve is approaching and I'm available!
5 days ago