"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Back On the Market

L. and I broke up last night (right after she dumped me). That's the shortest relationship ever; I mean, I've had dates that lasted longer. Where'd it go wrong?

First, you have to know what a catch I am. I've got it all: questionable grooming and hygiene, shaky finances, major personality flaws I don't work on... yeah, she's gonna miss me. Here's the final straw (and the fact that I'm posting it proves I'm a winner):

I found a bunch of rub-on tattoos of Dora the Explorer, Spongebob, etc. and I couldn't resist cutting them into the shapes of letters and giving L. a "tramp stamp" with them while she slept. She'd never have known, except she finally went to her spinning class and those behind her broke out laughing.

No, I won't say what it was I wrote on her back, but my first impulse was "wide load."

Ladies, New Year's Eve is approaching and I'm available!


GeorgiaSnail said...

"Back" on the Market...come on....what did it say?

Londell said...

Now that is either real funny or real sad... I have no clue which one.

Beth said...

I'm hoping that this story has been exaggerated for comic effect. Gee, I don't know where you went wrong. :)

joyRuN said...

Tramp stamp with rub-on Dora & Spongebob? PLEASE tell me you took a pic.

If not, how about you recreate it for us?

SteveQ said...

No exaggeration, I'm sorry to say. I was immature, disrespectful and untrustworthy - and kinda proud of it, as I thought it was funny... and that I'd get away with it.

What I should've written: HI MOM

I'm just wondering how many people are going to be checking mirrors after they wake up.

wildknits said...

That is the kind of thing that is funny as a story - about someone else. Or if you are a human with a highly developed sense of humour and... if it happens to you, no self-esteem issues.

Yeah - probably not the way to keep a woman around though.

sea legs girl said...

Steve, So sorry to hear it! But, come on, she MUST have thought it was funny, right? Otherwise, I have to conclude she wasn't good for you.

Anonymous said...

pretty creative steve. I mean the tattoo is far more original than the more ordinary pranks such as antiquing, warm wash cloth, etc.. Although a Rollie Fingers/Salvador mustached with sharpe marker never seems to get old.


Jean said...

Steve, I am sorry about the breakup...but that is truly funny, and I laughed out loud when I read about the "tramp stamp!"

You still have a few weeks until New Year's Eve...all the best!

Nature Girl said...

Well... glad to see the creepiness hasn't totally disappeared. Sorry about the breakup. Questionable grooming, shaky finances and personality flaws... all sounds strangley like me and yet somehow I've been married for many years. You'll find the 'right' one - I have no doubt.