"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Lori Story

This is a sort of anniversary, so I'm in the mood for telling a story. For those who are new here, I posted my all-time "meet cute" story - try Googling "She was naked when I met her" (March 5, 2009 post: Smart, pretty and interesting) - but this story's known only to a few.

I was invited to a party by a guy who felt obligated to invite me and I went because I felt obligated to go. After greeting me at the door, I never saw the host again and didn't know anyone else there; I'm not a big mingler and I appeared to be the only one there not part of a couple, so it looked to be a long night. Then I noticed a woman who seemed to be there to watch over everyone's kids.

She had gone out of her way to not be noticed, which, of course, immediately drew my attention. She was hiding behind unattractive glasses and a mop of long thick hair that she obviously done nothing with for a long time; I thought she might be very pretty if she tried. I was already hooked - my specialty in dating has been to find shy, mousy women and turn them into doctors (and other men's wives) - and then I saw her stoop to play with Kristen (who turned out to be her niece) and the baggy dress she wore shifted to show a tiny waist. She was younger than she looked. Any woman who'd go to such lengths to not be attractive was obviously "damaged goods" and so I was definitely interested.

I lost track of her and found myself reclining against a wall, drink in hand. Then I saw her in exactly the same odd pose I was in: legs crossed, with one foot on the wall and arms folded. She saw me look at her and immediately looked away and changed position. I caught her doing the same thing again later. She was mocking me! But why?

Eventually, I ended up sitting down and she sat in a chair a few feet away. She pointed to a coffee table and asked me, "Would you please hand that drink to me, who am its owner?" I paused, than gave it to her.

"Sorry for the delay. I was just trying to figure out if your grammar was correct. It was."

"Would you have not handed it to me if my grammar had not been correct?"

"No. Yes. That can't be answered in one word! I would have given it to you no matter what. It's just that most people would say, 'Please hand me my drink.'"

"I am not most people."

"I can see that."

"I suppose most people find you charming."

"Actually, most people find me interesting for about five minutes and then move on."

"Oh dear. Perhaps I am most people."

"Well, most people call me Steve."

"What do the others call you?"

"Mr. Quick."

"That is unfortunate."

"It happens to be my name."

"If we marry, I am keeping my maiden name."

"Then I guess you should tell me what your name is."

And she did. And we dated off and on for years. And she did always speak in complete sentences. And she was pretty - way out of my league. Didn't become a doctor, though.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

This is obviously FAR more charming than Teh Gail Tale, which goes roughly thus:

[Setting: Generic cocktail party]

SteveQ [in running shorts. sneakers and spats]: Hellllllloooo, pretty lady.


Every Other Woman in Room: We've ALL got mace!1! Back off!

SteveQ: I'm close personal friends with Dr. Nic.

EOWiR: Ooooooo! Dr. Nic!

SteveQ: He's gay, you know.

EOWiR: We LOVE a challenge!

(Why the hell would my word verification for this comment be "vilednes"? I've exhibited FAR greater vileness than this at other blogs, including my own.)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this story, I love when two strangers come together in unusual circumstances.

Dan said...

Great story. I have to check out the rest of your posts now.

Bill S said...

Was she a runner?!

SteveQ said...

Bill, for some reason I've dated very few runners and a lot of smokers. Lori was a smoker.

SteveQ said...

Oh, and G. - I once took a woman's mace and sprayed myself with it, saying "It only makes me angrier."

Not my best moment, I agree.