"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."








Sunday, May 31, 2009

Generic Race Report

"This is a quote that has nothing to do with running." - Song you've never heard, Band you've never heard of.

This first paragraph is all background. It tells about my history with this particular race, something about what kind of shape I'm in and details my preparation before the race. If someone shows up later in the post, this is where foreshadowing introduces them at the starting line. The weather, if relevant, gets a mention.

This is the beginning of the race and describes the course. First, there's an overview. Then there's a more minute description of important features in the order they're encountered.

This is the main body of the discourse and details the progress of the day. There will be things said by other runners. There will be encounters with wildlife, both flora and fauna. There will be a few mentions of distances and times.

This is where it all goes wrong. I start with ominous hints of body aches. I make a wrong turn or two. Then I mention falling, sometimes repeatedly, usually calamitously. Something happens that never, ever, happens to anyone else. I make some literary allusion, to look smart.

This penultimate paragraph describes the end of the race and a finish time (if I finish). Then, maybe, some of the things that go on post-race.

Here I end with what other people did and what I learned on the way and some vague thoughts about the next race on the schedule.
.....................
So. The next race report will have to be different. Iambic pentameter?

13 comments:

Kel said...

A picture is worth a thousand words - how about a photo essay? Even better, a video of the calamitous wipe out? Set to music from the song and band we've never heard of?

I guess that answers the poll question too ;)

Bill Pomerenke said...

This is where my congragulatory comment would be written with a possible additional comment or two about how I enjoy your recaps.

I would then mention your knack for unique race descriptions followed by a good-feeling statment related to your continued future race reports and a wish of good luck in the stated future race.

Helen said...

Shame on you Steve - you forgot to thank the volunteers :)

Enjoy a relaxing week before the trip to Kettle.

Andrew said...

Great report, thanks for sharing, recover well.

(Bill beat me to it)

Scott said...

This is a brief congratulatory comment. It's followed up by a witty rif on one of your witty report statements. It finishes with an exclamation of some sort!

Carl Gammon said...

This is where I give random advice on how you should do more or less non-specific training for the next time.

SteveQ said...

Scott, the "thisisalinktomyblog.com" is BRILLIANT!

SteveQ said...

So far, the poll suggests I should post photos of embarassing things that happen while running.

Jean said...

Steve, to this day, your report from the 2008 Chiwaupee is still the finest race report I have ever read. It is the benchmark by which all other race reports should be measured! :)

Chippewa said...

last post was quite good. How about Marissa Tomei? Remember Costanza " Marissa Tomei! Marissa Tomei!". "I'm kind of enganged".

little tidbit. When i was in NY 3-4 years ago I was stumbling around with my Pentax 6x7 and at some arbitrary street corner near the Tribeca area i tripped. Someone bent down, put their hand on my shoulder and with a concerned voice asked if I was okay. I glanced up and it was Marissa Tomei! She is quite stunning. Definitely ages well. Then again she has people for that I suppose. Well anyway, it beats the time I walked passed Jessie Jackson outside CubbyBears after a cubs game holding a silo of oldstyle in my hand. I thought he was a way figure. I had to do a double-take. A block later out came Billy Corgan from some building.

As for women to choose... I pick Shalane Flannigan. Glad to see someone was not cruel enough to suggest Rosie O'Donnell or Madonna. What battle axes!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

The next race report will have to be different. Iambic pentameter? ...

How about in Spenserian stanzas? Because that's what Spenser used when he wrote The Fairie Queene ...

By which I don't by any means mean to suggest you're a Fairie ...

But a Queene?

Jury's still out.

SteveQ said...

Too bad Shalane's married. She went to Marblehead High and I'm more of a Winchester guy (who has a weakness for Southey girls).

Isn't Marisa Tomei into short stocky bald guys?

SteveQ said...

Glaven, The Faerie Queen is, of course, in iambic pentameter, but shouldn't I have Quick Stanzas if Spenser had Spenserian? It also has the worst descriptions of athletic endeavours (well, the green knight was okay), so it's not a great blueprint from which to work.

As an unmarried guy in his 40's, I don't need any more people wondering about my sexuality (as irrelevant as it's been lately).