"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Humor (since you're stuck indoors anyway)

There's been very little running going on, either in Minnesota or on this blog and, given that we might have four days in a row where it doesn't get above 0 degrees, that's not likely to change. All we can do is try to stay cheerful... I'm just doing my part.

There's a code in military statues. If a soldier's on a horse with all four legs on the ground, he died of natural causes. If one leg is raised, he died from wounds received in battle. If two legs are raised, he died during battle. If all four are raised, it's a merry-go-round.

(That's my best joke.)

I put my wet towels in a hamper, but nothing happens. They don't get hamped. I think my hamper's broken. Unless hamping involves mildew.

A year on Mercury is only 59 days. Not many pedophiles on Mars.

When I go to the airport and they make me take off my shoes, I get a craving for Japanese food. I've noticed that you never see anyone with holes in their socks, so people are buying socks just for travel. I think Homeland Security is just a cover for sock manufacturers trying to increase sales.

When I go to a Japanese restaurant and they make me take off my shoes, all I really want is a small package of peanuts.

I bought a bobblehead doll for the dashboard in my car. It makes me late. When I get out, the car rocks just enough to set it moving and I just have to stare at it, 'cause I paid for it and I don't want to waste my money.

Ever notice that you see Elvis on black velvet and matadors on black velvet, but you never see them together? Maybe Elvis is still alive, he's just stabbing bulls in Spain... Nah, they don't wear their collars high enough.

They give celebrity couples new names, like Brangelina and Tomkat. What if Val Kilmer dated Gina Gershon?

All my jokes are copyrighted. I have to write them down and publish them just to be sure to get credit. I think I can corner the market by just typing out every possible combination of words. So far, surreal aardvark jokes are covered. The best so far? "Aardvark Antwerp? Adamant!"

When my brain unfreezes, I'll get back to writing about running.


Jean said...

LOVED the Val Kilmer/Gina Gershon joke! Good stuff, Steve.

Here is to warmer days ahead!

johnmaas said...

Witty stuff there, Steve.
The Mercury/Mars one-liner made me chuckle....

SteveQ said...

John, glad you liked the weird typo. It, of course, should've been Mercury both times.

It should be noted that the typical thought process in joke writing is start witty, slide into vulgar and then just run out of steam, which I did pretty early.