"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Monday, January 12, 2015

The Dreaded Yearly Fashion Post 2015

I've always loved that at the Golden Globes, teenage TV starlets play dress up and pretend to be movie stars, creating some interesting, fresh ideas. The year that "Glee" first aired was a field day for me. Unfortunately, this year in television consisted mostly of "women of a certain age" that complain that they can't get roles. They also seemed to have heeded my advice from previous years that you can't wear something off the runway unless you're built like a model; most dresses this year were made for the person and occasion, giving me less to say.

Of course, you might still catch Christoph Waltz eating a Fatburger, if you're lucky.

Most people's best-dressed awards went to Allison Williams (who could walk a runway, if need be). The dress was heavily laden - reportedly 40 pounds - with crystals, which are a way to get the effect of metallics, a huge trend for several years, without looking like lamé. The heavy eye make-up is a shame, however.

Most talked about was Amal Clooney, who obviously thought very hard about what to wear. Knowing that people wanted to see her, but that it was her husband's night (after all, George was getting a life-time achievement award and you only get a few of those - unless you're a country music star. Garth Brooks has 112). She wore a simple black dress with a long train and simple hair and understated make-up and jewelry. That, however, was insufficient for the occasion, so she added white leather opera length gloves (making me think of the movie "Frozen"), with a white clutch. On the clutch was a Je Suis Charlie Hebdo button, proclaiming, in essence "If you MUST make it about what I'm wearing, it's STILL not about me." Brilliant, really. If the gloves had been a different fabric, it would've worked better and she had the problem of not being able to touch anything; no handshakes, no drinking.

My vote for best dressed goes to Greer Grammer, even though it looks like a prom dress. But I remember that I also liked Rumer Willis when she was the Golden Globe girl and she's looked horrid ever since.

Compare Anna Kendrick to Greer and you'll see how good Greer's dress was.
There weren't many architectural dresses, which is a shame, and the best of them was on model Chrissy Teigen,  about whom I have never had anything nice to say before today.
Among other models, Heidi Klum looked much better than usual. It's like these women were taking notes from what I've said in the past! The asymmetric wrap with the near-Veronica Lake hair, go together perfectly. She's one of the few that could hear that the Pantone color of the year is marsala (or as I call it, bloodied brick) and get someone to make her a dress in the closest shade to that that suits her - marsala is a very tricky shade.
Claire Danes was dressed for time-warping from the 1970's in a granny dress.
Diane Kruger's form-fitting silver suited her, but looked stiff. She time-traveled the other direction.
I love Ellie Kemper, but this dress is wrong in many ways. For one thing, it draws attention to that one spot about 5 inches below her waist.
Emma Stone's pants just weren't enough for the occasion. Lorde was a little better, others a little worse. There's not much one can say about pants.
This color on Katie Holmes is wonderful, but maybe not on her. And the cut is wrong. And her make-up is wrong. And her hair is wrong. Still, it's a nice change from all the reds and whites. Someone else should try something like this for the Oscars.
If you had Kate Hudson's body, you'd be tempted to wear this too. Side panels OR cleavage, not both, please.
Julianne Moore's dress gets everything wrong and still looks good on her! She often makes my worst list, but this - inexplicably - is a very flattering dress. She should stick with this look until we tire of it.
Jessica Chastain's draped metallic dress was on point, but I think it isn't the right color for her. I've gone over this before; for her, color is everything. Her hair and make-up (wish I had a decent close-up) were excellent.
Many are praising Jennifer Lopez's dress. I cannot express enough how much I hate it. It's a Klingon warrior's bathrobe. You don't wear low-cut cleavage and thigh-high skirt slit without screaming how desperate you are. Every time out, you can see something wrong with her dress by looking at her left breast (it's okay; she obviously wants you to look); once it was a nipple guard showing, once tape, once spirit gum residue; this time you can see the indentation of an underwire. She has very nice skin, but we don't need to see all of it all the time.

I even like watching Gwyneth Paltrow walk away! What is happening to me?! I've become everything I hate.

Felicity Jones (who?) wore a nicely structured dress with the new high collar fashion trend and in a color that stood out.
Keira Knightley... went insane. I'm sure someone's following her with a net, though.
Kerry Washington gets points for doing something new in metallic and in trying color blocking, but this looks like someone drew a pattern for a dress on another dress... and she wore both.
Sadly, Lupita Nyong'o, who could do no wrong after last year's red caped dress, has made progressively worse choices and has now hit bottom. Theo Huxtable's prom date has arrived.
Naomi Watts was one of many in a lemony yellow and wore it best with this very simple dress. It's the jewelry I want to point out: that's making a statement and a half.
Prince showed up, dressed like Prince, as only Prince can. He did Prince stuff.
Rosamund Pike did the white cut-out dress that was everywhere, but it's functional! She's nursing. Really - that's the body of a woman with a 3 week-old baby, who was nursing during the show and after party!
Salma Hayek looked elegant, as usual. The cheap-looking metal belt makes the dress. It takes a great eye to make that call.
Sienna Miller looked better than this photo suggests in what may be the last waterfall hemline we'll see. She looks like she could be going to a wedding on the beach, yet it didn't look out of place.
Emily Blunt, in an over-praised dress. Blah.
And now for something completely different. Conchita Wurst in what looks like green velvet ("Gone With the Wind" inspired?) that needed a different undergarment, but otherwise was a very interesting choice.
I... I've done worse.
Lana Del Ray in yet another metallic draped dress, plus the worst hair of the night.
Matt Bomer was one of many who wore blue suits (not purple, as it appears in this photo) and he looked terrific in it. Among the men, Jared Leto looked good, as usual, and Alan Cumming needs to learn that matchy-matchy looks good on no one.

And all that's left to cover is the after-party wear. But this is the end.
Alessandra Ambrosio's end.


SteveQ said...

Oops. Miller's hemline wasn't waterfall; she was just leaning back in that photo.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand how things like Ellie Kemper's dress happen. How do you make it out of the house without realizing that whatever look you were going for has gone horribly wrong?!


sea legs girl said...

What's up, SQ? Of course I read your blog. I never noticed that Twitter link, sorry! I even remember the post about Lydiard and Maffetone (from 2010, not 2008), which is what got me interested in Lydiard in the first place. I had never heard of him. You have to remember I come from a musical and not an athletic background, so this is all new and exciting to me, even if it was written in the 80's or 60's or whatever. Finally Alessandra Ambrosio's dress is absolutely perfect. That one I would wear.

SteveQ said...

Sarcasm never really works in print, I guess. btw, I got 640 unexpected hits yesterday, some from "magnificent breasts" on Tumblr.