The Dreaded Yearly Fashion Post 2014

At the Golden Globes, TV stars dress up to look like movie stars and movie stars dress down compared to what they wear at the Oscars. This year, the people who always look awful looked okay and the people who usually stun - looked just okay. It's hard to pick favorites this year.

 Caitlin Fitzgerald (who?) stood out for not wearing red - or black, or white, or nude, or metallic. The waterfall hem is still completely en pointe this season and the shoes (and matching handbag) are perfect.

 Jennifer Lawrence's dress was a mess, as pet-owners quickly pointed out.

I want to like this, but NEVER wear a pattern that draws circles on your nipples!

Emma Watson's dress doesn't look like much from the front, but the back! Trousers on the red carpet was a great idea. And I like the blue shoes as well.

Ugh. Hayden Panettiere's hair was the worst of the night.

Heidi Klum's dress was better than usual for her.

Jenna Dewan-Tatum

Jessica Chastain

Julia Roberts tried for 1980's Sharon Stone and somehow became Jane Fonda.

Julianna Margulies' brocade was a nice touch.

Julie Bowen's color blocked dress is almost correct. The shoulders have to go.

I love Kaley Cuoco's dress - on the model.

Kate Beckinsale's dress was what everyone wore last year. I didn't think much of it then.

Kate Mara trying to prove she's an adult just proves me makes bad choices.

Leslie Mann

Lily Rabe

Lupita Nyong'o wore a caped dress that one would expect Gwyneth Paltrow to wear - and I'd make fun of Gwyneth, but Lupita carries it off well.

Margot Robbie channeling 1972.

Michelle Dockery's asymmetric hemline makes this dress. I still won't watch Downton Abbey, though.

There's no end to what's wrong here (Paula Patton)

Rashida's applique is near perfect.

Some like Sandra Bullock's color-blocking. I don't. Happy quincenera, Sandy!

I was taking bets on what color mermaid dress Sofia Vergara would wear and she surprised me with this full ballgown. It's a fine dress, but too much for the occasion.

Taylor Swift's dress was her usual good choice, but again it looks better on the model.

Variations in black and white.

Zosia Mamet

Zoe Saldana

Laura Carmichael (I think I might know who she is)

Adele Exarchopoulo (again: who?)

Kristen Connolly (really, who are these women?)

Giuliana Rancic, queen of the insect-looking people

I go back-and-forth on Zooey Deschanel's dress. I like the bottom, but not the top. And her hair's right for once.

All in all, white with black print is in, the mullet hemlines haven't gone away and apparently there's a lot of cable TV shows with women I've never heard of.