"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Inside the Comics' Studio

Sea Legs Girl is looking for a good joke (here). That reminded me of a meeting I once had with the great Bob Einstein, who has the world's largest collection of terrible jokes. You might forget a good joke, but a bad joke will linger and become a part of you. Being able to "sell" a bad joke and get a laugh is the sign of a great stand-up comedian; Johnny Carson was actually better when he bombed!

Here's the terrible joke I used to try to get Bob to laugh:

A couple's in bed, talking about their day and the wife says she's worried about her friend Amy, who's so self-conscious that she can't get a date. "What's wrong with her?" he asks. "She has a really big butt," she answers. "Some guys are into that." She says, "Not like this. She looks like she's sitting on a couch even when she's not." He thinks for a second and says, "You know, my friend Jerry's a great guy and he never dates either. Maybe they'd be a match." She asks what his deal is. "Well, he lost an eye and, instead of a glass eye, he has one made of wood. I don't know why, he certainly can afford a glass eye. It's really disconcerting at first, but you get used to it. He's terrific every other way." They agree to set them up on a date.

Jerry and Amy, fully informed about what to expect, meet at a club. They're both nervous at first, but they have a few drinks, talk and find that they have some things in common. Jerry looks at the dance floor with his one good eye and asks her "Would you care to dance?" She responds, surprised, "Would I?! Would I!!" and he immediately shouts back "Fat ass! Fat ass!"

Bob said he knew a much worse version of the same joke:

A couple's talking about their friends, who always seem to be dateless. The guy has a friend who's really great, except he has the world's smelliest feet. Doctors seem to be perplexed and can't find a cure. Women are completely repelled the second he takes off his shoes. The woman says she has a friend with a similar problem, except it's her breath. She smells like something died in her mouth. Guys can't get close enough to her to find out she has a great personality. They set them up on a date.

On the date, the guy's carefully pointing his feet downwind and the woman's turning her head and covering her mouth when she speaks, but things are going great otherwise. In fact, eventually she invites her back to her place. When they get there, she says she's going to change into something more comfortable. When she leaves him, the guy reaches into a bag he's brought with him, full of supplies. He puts his shoes and socks into airtight bags. He douses his feet with cologne. He scrubs his feet raw. Then he straps sticks of deodorant to his feet. Meanwhile, the woman's in the bathroom, gargling with bleach and then stuffing her mouth with mints. She comes back to him and decides she should tell him what's going on. "I have a secret to tell you," she says. "I already know," he answers... "You ate my socks."

All these years later and I still can't forget that horrible joke. And now you're stuck with it too!

1 comment:

PiccolaPineCone said...

okay, so I actually think those jokes are hilarious... but then, as my post from today clearly shows, I don't have what one might call a refined sense of humour