"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

20 Trash Films I Saw in 2011

I was years behind in my bad movie viewing, so I saw a bunch of films in a short period of time. These are not exactly typical of what I watch on a regular basis!

Asian Sequel Title: Random Noun Generator

First, three pretty good films that need new titles:
1) Battle Girl: Living Dead in Tokyo Bay
2) Female Convict Scorpion: Jailhouse 41
3) Wandering Ginza Butterfly 2: She-Cat Gambler

You're no Ed Wood, Jr.

There are people who claim that Uwe Boll (there might be an umlaut in that name) is the worst director of our time, so I've been checking his back catalog. I honestly can't remember a thing about any of these films of his.

4) Blood Rayne
5) Blackwoods
6) Sanctimony

Instant Cult Status

Sometimes a movie gathers a following for inexplicable reasons. Here are 3.

7) Birdemic: Shock and Terror. There's some discussion about just how aware the director/producer/writer of this film is of how awful the film is. Personally, I think he tried to make a good movie, realized he couldn't, then went on to intentionally play up the badness. Nevertheless, it makes for fun viewing.

8) The Human Centipede. This film starts with a truly horrific premise and delivers in an extremely nauseating fashion, meaning it actually works, if that's what you want to see. The sequel, everyone tells me is a complete waste of time.

9) Vasa de Noces. I can't even publish the English title of this movie that features bestiality. I've heard that this somehow made the art house circuit a few years ago. It's unwatchably dull.

Unscary monsters

At least as early as 1935's Murder by Television, there have been films about unlikely killer objects. I often get sucked into watching films like Attack of the Killer Refrigerator, wondering how they could make it into a movie. Again, here's 3:

10) Death Bed - The Bed That Eats. This film occasionally makes lists of "so terrible it's funny." I've seen it; you don't need to.
11) Killer Tongue
12) Killer Condom: The Rubber That Runs You Out.

Last Train to Tromaville

One way of making films is to start with the title; this is how Troma Films works. About once a decade, they manage to make a good movie, despite themselves. They're overdue. These were made by others, but in the same vein.

13) Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars. Skip this one.
14) Ticked Off Trannies with Knives. Loopy fun.


These deserve no comment, except that I altered a few words to avoid troll searches.

15) Entrails of a Beautiful Woman
16) A Lizard in a Woman's Skin
17) Nud.e for Satan
18) P.orno Holocaust
19) Strip Na.ked for Your Killer
20) Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key

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