I was going to do this with XtraNormal, but then thought I'd have to punch it up with insults and visual jokes - and that's hack work in the humor biz. So, for the 6 or so people who'll think this is funny:
"I'm going to win the Superior 100 Mile Trail Race."
- I didn't know you were training for it.
- Then what makes you think you can win?
"The course record's 13 minutes per mile. I've never run that slow in my life."
- Have you ever run 100 miles?
- Have you ever run an ultramarathon?
- Have you ever run a trail race?
- Have you ever even seen pictures of the course?
"It's Minnesota. I'm guessing it's mostly cornfields."
- There's 20,000 feet of climb. That's like climbing Mt. McKinley. That's like 2,000 flights of stairs on top of running 100 miles.
"But half of it is downhill, so it evens out."
- How are you getting your food and water?
" There's aid stations. I'll just take what's there."
- Some of them are 10 miles apart.
"I think I can go 90 minutes without a meal."
- Some people take 4 hours to get from one station to the next.
"Not the ones who win."
- Do you even own a pair of trail shoes?
"I'm wearing my Air Jordans. I figure I'll shoot hoops while I wait for everyone else to finish."
- You have to run at night. Do you have a light?
"I'll use the light from my cell phone. That way I can call you and keep you up to date as to how great I'm doing."
-The weather could change at any minute. Will you have extra clothes in drop bags?
"What are drop bags?"
- You'd do better to have crew take care of that for you.
- People who go from point to point on the course to make sure you have what you need.
"And that's legal?"
- In your case, I'd think it's mandatory.
"Would you be my crew?"
- I wouldn't miss this for the world.
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12 hours ago