"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."








Thursday, December 9, 2010

Ghost of Christmas Parties Past

Once, Lori asked me to escort her to a Christmas party that I didn't want to go to.
"If you want to leave early, just give me the secret word."
- And what's that?
"Rutabaga."
- I can't work 'rutabaga' into a conversation!
"Then I chose well."

We arrive.
""Hi Lori!"
"Hi."
"Hello Steve."
- Rutabaga.
"Excuse me?"
"Don't mind Steve. We have a wager that he can't work 'rutabaga' into a conversation."
"(chuckle) Well, I don't think that counts."
- RUTABAGA RUTABAGA RUTABAAAAGAAAAA!!!!!
"Let me take your coats... Can I get you something to drink? Lori?"
"Do you have that wine you had for my birthday?
"I'll check. Steve, what can I get you?"
- If it's not too much trouble, vegetable juice would be great, especially rutabaga.
"Umm, I'll see what I can do."

"Hi, Steve. Lori's told us so much about you. You have a degree in chemical engineering?
- Yeah, but I don't use it much in my line of work.
"What do you do?
- I... farm rutabagas.
"Really. Are you  being successful?"
- Not tonight.

"Here's your drinks. So, Steve, enjoying yourself?"
- I hate Christmas parties so much that I wish someone would choke me with a rutabaga!
Lori: "That can be arranged."

5 comments:

One Crazy Penguin said...

Definite points for creativity! Flippin' hilarious.

sea legs girl said...

Am I allowed to ask what the opposite of rutabaga is?

Nice diverse Christmas song collection, by the way. And if I were training for a 100 mile race, I would follow your plan - though it is QUITE intense and surely is more than necessary to complete one. I would add that it's necessary, and not an option, to cross train on the off days to develop other muscles to avoid injury.

RichardC said...

HA HA HA!!!!!! Thank you for this post.. I laughed so hard I started to Cry! :)

Jean said...

A great post, Steve! That is so funny!

I attended an office Christmas party many years ago where the DJ at the dance accidentally played the opening track of the "Pulp Fiction" soundtrack - which is some profanity-laced dialogue in a cafe between actors Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer. The company President was not amused, and needless to say, it was a long night for the DJ!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Har! Rutabaga! It's funny because it is a root vegetable that originated as a cross between the cabbage and the turnip and some call it "Swedish turnip", according to Wikipedia!

Also because you got to be the life of yet another party.