"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010: The Suckfest Endeth

I'm at 1870 miles for the year, with one day to go. Last year, I ran about 2250, the year before 2700, the year before over 3100.  Looks like I've got four or five years before I have to start running backward.

This was a bad year for almost everyone. Looking through my blogroll, there's houses lost to flood and to foreclosure. There's breast cancer, myeloma, prostate cancer and skin cancer. There's lost jobs, divorces and miscarriages. There's a ton of injuries, including several broken bones.

2011 has to be better.

People always seem to want the details of my personal life on this blog, but things have not been good and I didn't want to add to the general misery. There was more than a little surprise when I mentioned a relationship breaking up, when I hadn't mentioned that I'd been in one. There's some serious financial problems - racing is pretty much out of the question at the moment because of it.

And then there's the health stuff I keep alluding to and never quite discuss. Last year, I had the swine flu and then pneumonia and it seems to have ravaged my lungs; I've got allergies and asthma I never had before and it hasn't been sorted out. I feel a little silly complaining that my vital lung capacity has been halved... it's now average. I won't be winning any races, but then, most people don't.

The other thing I've not been talking about is depression. I've battled clinical depression my entire life; it runs in the family - four siblings are on anti-depressants (four different classes, so I doubt any work well). I had to check myself in to a hospital for a few days a couple times this year. It was that or kill myself. Yeah, that bad.

An interesting development was getting a PET scan of my brain. Everyone knows my brain just doesn't work like everyone else's. In some ways it works very well (in 6th grade, had my IQ measured at 174). But parts don't seem to work well at all... hippocampus, amygdala, prefrontal cortex... and it mirrors what depression does: inability to focus, concentrate, decide, respond emotionally, remember. It's a chicken-and-egg thing; does the illness lead to the poor brain function or does the poor function lead to depression?

I've decided the thing to do is to show that one can be both depressed and happy. It's not an either/or proposition. It's the goal for 2011, as the running goals are still nebulous (maybe Sawtooth 100).

So, what's promising for the next year? I've fallen in love. Some of you knew before I did. Some of you suspect you know who I mean (and some would be right and some wrong). On paper, it'd be a ludicrous match - and I've been steering clear of doing anything about it because of that - but you can't choose who you fall in love with and I could use a little "ludicrous" right now.

So, there. You're up to date. See you in 2011.


Deb said...

Damn. My yearly mileage is currently at 1,305. I plan on going back out today and tomorrow, too, but somehow I doubt I'll catch up to you.

I probably have a better chance of catching you in mileage that I do in IQ points, however. 174, huh? No wonder why you're so depressed.

Happy 2011! It's gonna be a good one, I'm sure of it.

Anonymous said...

You definitely have the most depressing running blog on the internet.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I've fallen in love. [...] On paper, it'd be a ludicrous match

Look, I thought I made it clear that I just wanted to be friends.

It's not me, it's you. Just wanted to be clear about that, too.


But seriously, I hope 2011 is better for you. Have you ever thought about moving to a place that doesn't have a winter season that lasts 9 months of the year? It would cut down on the opportunities for SAD, I assume ...

Jean said...

Wishing you a great 2011, Steve. You deserve it. All the best to you!

Psyche said...

Congrats on falling in love and may that adventure change your life forever. I am always rooting for you and completely believe in your strength to endure. ROCK ON, Steve Q!!!

Helen said...

That's a pretty original end of year recap.

Here's to a happier 2011 for you. I almost feel guitly for being one of your blogrollers (thanks for reinstating me btw - was worth all the pain at Hellgate...!) to have had a pretty awesome 2010. Almost.

SteveQ said...

Helen, of course I just had to add one more post, to end on a different note. Your getting bumped off the blogroll was just because I was transferring you from the locals to the "ultra chicks" and it didn't work - and no one pointed it out - and you were in my Google Reader, so I didn't notice for a month or so!

RBR said...

Looky there, I have half your mileage and half your IQ. Boy, what coup for me.

We can all use a little 'ludicrous' in our lives. I am happy to see you excited about something, but, damn it! Yet another reason it sucks to live 3000 miles away! I can not drag you to Starbuck's get the the full dish!

As for the year's end:


"Hey 2010, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!"

As the lucky winner of multiple prizes on your list of Suckfest 2010 items, I am looking forward to this year's end. I intend to celebrate by reading a book and being in bed by 10.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Quick,

I am a loyal reader of your blog and I too did not have a particularly good year - My sister got breast cancer, my wife wanted a divorce, and my place of employment put the entire blogging universe in the category of racism/hatred, and so your blog got blocked. Something has to give!

May you have an enlightened 2011, and may your new felt love blossom and endure.

sea legs girl said...

I spend a lot of time thinking about Freud; probably more than I should since everyone seems to think he is outdated. But he talks about the two signs of good mental health being the ability to work and the ability to love. So, that last sentence made me realy happy. I figure once a person is halfway there, the rest will fall into place. Yep, 2011 has got to be better!