"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Saturday, March 20, 2010


I've been making fun of my own writing style for quite some time. In my last post, I obsessed about my overuse of colons (perhaps less fiber is in order...) and I once wrote an entire generic race report.

Now it's your turn! Try writing a post imitating my style. The one that I deem best (i.e. closest or simply the funniest) will be declared the winner . And the prize will be: I will write a post about any topic you want me to write about [For those who are thinking it - if you want me to type up a resume' {how the heck does one type accents grave and acute, anyway} you're not going to get what you want].

So, get those parentheses, brackets, ellipses and dashes in order. Manage to not mention anything of actual use. Contort sentences so that they're technically grammatically correct, but stilted. And then add sentence fragments. Try to add in a list. Bonus points for obscure references, such as the Albigensian heresy during the reign of Merovingian king Dagobert.

And, of course, no photos.

[Creepy duck photo]


Jim Nariel said...

Very impressed by the amount of committement and energy you put into both your running and your articles - keep going!!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

This should be good ...

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

My entry in the sweepstakes is up! Hope it's not too late to be included in the contest.

Keith said...

Whatever on earth makes you think the Albigensian heresy is obscure?

SteveQ said...

Keith, it must be obscure, as no one bothered to correct me in that there were two Dagoberts and they were both in the wrong eras and places for the heresy.

Fast Bastard said...

A typical post a la Steve Quick:

I exist, for what it's worth, within the autistic spectrum. My day started in a typical manner: 11 out of 10 pain, because I had eaten the exact weight of my right hand in salami the night before. This along with the recurrent hip dislocation and other things I will not mention. Why bring it up, if I won't mention it? Because I feel like it. The pain scale is pointless in my case, anyway.

I say things before thinking, and it makes for funny situations that I exploit on this blog. Most of it is made up, anyway. You would make stuff up, too, if you were in 11 out of 10 pain all the time. I understand everyone's impatience with my autistic dysfunctional disorder. People even think I exaggerate. But I challenge you to live with bones, 25% of which are comminutely fractured at any given time.

I have multiple things I will not tell you about. I am an autist; do not forget this, as you read this blog. One thing I may hint at is an awkward, beautiful woman. She was the love of my life, ran only 10-minute miles and loved salami. I will reveal only these odd facts.

I get competitive in unpredictable ways. Since everyone knows me and my blog, I can't race anonymously anymore. Add to that the multiple casts anb taped-on water bottles. But when I get competitive, you little non-Asperger piece of shit, you will know it. When you are in bed, I'm on the trail. When you are on the treadmill, I am on the trail. When you are on the trail, I'm on a harder trail. And if I come up behind you, you better move the hell over.

Because if you don't move over, I will likely fall off the trail, dislocating and fracturing multiple bones. But contrary to what the doctors tell me, I will finish that 100-miler.