"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."








Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bourbon, Porn and 3-Card Monty

C'mon folks, do something interesting! This is already the longest I've been away from running in 20 years and, now that I've progressed to pneumonia (strep: the bacteria that just keeps giving), it's going to be a long way back. So, I'm stuck at home, reading blogs to live vicariously and what do I get? Helping kids with math homework (Glaven), baking, a visit to Swaledale Iowa (Jean), raking leaves, etc.

Here's some ideas:
1) Tell a tween her Halloween costume would be really hot with thigh-high boots.
2) Play high-stakes poker with circus roadies.
3) Go fishing with an assault rifle.
4) Blow your unemployment check on a dog-track hooker.
5) Argue drug prices in the bathroom of a biker bar.
6) Vote in the Afghan election. Twice. For Gary Busey.

OR

Go for a run. Go way too fast. Run like a little kid, until you're gasping for air. Run downhill, out of control, windmilling your arms. Run through leaves, through puddles, through mud, through brambles until you're good and lost. Fall down and skin your knee. Then laugh it off and run some more. When you can't go any further, walk home, laughing at the stares you get from others.

Then, remember that I can't do that and would if I could. And tell me about it!

12 comments:

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

NO DEAL!

You're not the boss of me!

But how 'bout this:

Every time I see Dr. Nic in his long-sleeved ladies' evening running gloves?

I can't help but think He'd look really HOT if he had on some white thigh-high boots, too!

Does that make me gay?

And the only reason I write about 4th grade math homework is TO KEEP SUCH EVIL DR-NIC-ISH THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD!

But now I know the way to keep them out of my head is to put them on YOUR blog.

And thereby put them in YOUR head.

Enjoy.

No charge.

trailgrrl said...

How about this...after the Groton trail race today I had some friends back to my place for beers and junk food on the front porch. There were left over cookies and I offered to use them as nipple pasties...and I was wearing running "hot pants" to boot....

Anonymous said...

Yesterday I ran to the local woods, when I arrived I jumped onto and over the hay bale which guards the entrance. Once in the woods I admired the flaming yellow trees and the warm light reflected on the muddy path. The air was cool, a slight breeze, and I started doing 1000m hard loops around the trails, with a 400m jogging rest bewteeen loops. 12 loops later I emerged from the woods muddy, smiling, and for kicks ran an all out 300m sprint into the adjacent park. I walked 2 miles home, drank some cider (soft), ate left over sag paneer, and looked forward to running the McNotAgain 30 miler next Saturday at McNaughton Park.

Pam said...

Thanks for your blog comment, but I think I need to clarify: I entered 19 hours under the first line which was for "100m". Of course that is 100meters, not miles, but I am running ultras now so I only think in mile units! 19 hours WOULD be the time of an invalid at 100 meters.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

SteveQ said...

Trailgrrl- either we have to get you to bring your fashion sense to Minnesota or I'm gonna have to get well enough to do the Vermont 100. Am I running a fever, or is it getting hot in here?

And Anonymous (been some interesting anonymi lately - same one?): THAT's what I'm talking about. Thanx. Good luck at the 30 mile. Any word about the possibility someone new's taking over the McNaughton 100?

Helen said...

can i send you the pharmacy bill for the first aid i needed after taking your advice on my run yesterday???????

p.s. it was fun!!!

Helen said...

p.p.s. there may also be a legal bill once the ski patrol at hyland discover another of their screw-the-runners-and-protect-the-trails-for-the-skiers fences has been 'removed'

Jean said...

LOL!

Steve, I just returned from Northern MN and my brother sent home a bottle of blended Irish Whiskey with me. The night is still young, so I will let you know if anything interesting happens! :)

Seriously, I hope you recover very quickly. Take care of yourself, and get well very soon!

sea legs girl said...

Okay, I did go for a run as fast as I could and then remembered that it isn't the best strategy in a 6 hour race. The last two hours I was kind of thinking I'd rather be home on the couch.

So, you ask how long you'll be out with pneumonia... well I always told my patients in urgent care to take a week off of work minimum and then see how they felt (that was if I didn't admit them to the hospital). But you know, it varies a lot. Just take the time it requires so you can avoid the worst place in the world for recovery: the hospital.

SteveQ said...

Helen, if you're suddenly taking my advice, I really recommend letting me beat you in races next year.

SteveQ said...

No one called me on misspelling "Monte" or mentioned that the post didn't actually include bourbon, porn or 3 card monte. Going easy on me now that I'm sick, I guess.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I hate re-reading my own posts because I always spot stooopid errors. Today, I saw at least three grammatical/spelling errors in my latest one - three days later! - and I was sore tempted to fix them, even though anyone who's gonna read that post has already done so.

I just figured that by "3-Card Monty" you meant your Friend Montgomery Burns, who runs three distinct businesses - Nuclear Power Plant; Slurry Factory; and Right-wing Talk Radio Station - and therefore has 3 business cards. I never dreamed it was a misspelling.

Speaking of wingnuts (*coff-coff* NIC!) ... yeah, Yankee fan, too, huh? Geez, why not just give Darth Vader a reach-around while yer at it, Dr. Nic?

I spent more time this morning than I care to admit to working on a Nic-kertwanging post in response to his new bloggy header, but it absolutely refused to cohere.

It was set in the future and YOU were the narrator.

But it just didn't work.

Naturally, I blame you.

So ... this round goes to Dr. Nic, I regret to say ...