"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Underpants of the Pleistocene

I just want to see that title show up in people's reading lists.

It's time for a new holiday. "Talk like a pirate day" caught on, but what has there been lately? It got me thinking: most people spend their entire lives trying not to embarass themselves, when it's very liberating. I should know; I do it all the time... and then I tell people. So, I'm declaring Friday, July 31 "National Admit Something Embarassing Day."

Just to whet your appetite:

There was an episode of "Seinfeld" wherein George Costanza declared that, if he were a porn star, he'd be named Buck Naked. That led to the following conversation.

Steve: I know what my porn star name would be.
Alice: But you're already Mr. Quick.
Steve: Very funny.
Alice: Han Solo is probably copyrighted.
Steve: Are you finished?
Alice: Some porn star! You should know when a woman's finished.

(I don't remember what name I thought of. Maybe it was Major Cummings.)

Someone, somewhere, came up with the automatic porn star name generator. You take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on. It doesn't work if you grew up on RR 1. I've always lied about what mine is. Until now. It's....

Barney Frank.

Thank you, Congressman Frank, for making my life a little more embarassing.


nwgdc said...

Wow, Barney Frank, eh? I didn't realize you were that kind of pornstar. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

As for me? You can call me Willy Bishop.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hey Barney! I think "Willy" is hitting on you.

My automatic porn name sucks.

So just call me




Yeah. Dixie Normous.

Anonymous said...

Your sophomoric topic leads me to my college days at the U. There was a softball team named Hugh Jardon. It's relevent to today's topic.

And then there was the old guy(and this is true) who lived in SW MN near the town I grew up. His name was Harry Dick. Sometimes you have to wonder what parents are thinking......

Bill P.

brothergrub said...

Frisbee Smith Grange is the name. I'm guessing no-one is renting this one...

I took a graduate class with Anita Dick. She married into the name...

Anonymous said...

mine would be:

Skunk Cheeseborough.

skunk was the name of our mut and Cheeseborough road used to be the road i lived on until commerce decided to go with numbers instead. How unoriginal.

we kept the old street signs though.

Andrew said...

Sandy Portage. Sounds painful.

SteveQ said...

Bill, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever. There was a softball team at the U of M called the Master Batters, which was told it had to change its name. They changed it to Nine Jerks and a Squirt. The Fiji frat always had a team called the Nads. ("Go Nads!")

nwgdc said...

Go Nads?

Check this out: