"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

This week in training, jokes and... fashion?

Monday: 7 in 64
Tuesday: 4 in 35
Wednesday: 4 in 34
Thursday: 19 in 2:50 (15 in 2:12, then fell apart)
Friday: 10 in 99
Saturday: 0
Sunday: 0

Another poor week. I'm hoping a couple of days off will help.

Steve talks fashion. Really.

First, I should point out that my favorite running hat turns 25 this week. I once dated a woman who complained more than once, "You understand fashion and yet you look like THAT!" I get the theory; it's the action that gets me - just like ultrarunning.

At the Golden Globes, there was as much discussion of clothes as movies, yet there were a couple of points that no one else has made and should be made. The best looking woman there was Anne Hathaway, but she could've worn a burlap sack and that'd still be true. The best dress was worn by Rumer Willis, who usually looks like a thinner Kelly Osborne, but was a vision in plum; who would've guessed she could look like that?

Michelle Obama's inauguration dress was brilliant. For the cold, one has to wear wool and there's only so much one can do with it; lining with silk was obvious, but lace applique flowers was a stroke of genius (especially since one couldn't tell the pattern), catching the light and lending texture. The cheap green gloves and shoes were a huge risk and she carried it off. It was exactly right. On the other hand, her white ball gown was a disaster. It looked good up close, but from a distance, it was a chenille bedspread. The one shoulder strap was all wrong; if one's going to go asymmetric, it needed to really be asymmetric, not just an afterthought. It pulled on one side of the top of the dress, making it look like it didn't fit. And it was far too wide.

And Heidi Klum needs to retire. Yes, she looks amazing for a middle-aged mother, but she no longer is right for modeling. A model should be able to wear anything but they're already carefully choosing what she wears and trying to distract from how the clothes actually look on her.

This week in jokes

Sacajawea dollars can be used in all parking meters in Minneapolis except the ones in front of a particular gentlemen's club. Strippers hate dollar coins, because, as we all know, change is hard.

I saw a theater showing the movie "MILK" for a buck, so I went to see it. I misread the marquee. It was "MILF." Biggest mistake I'd made since the breast cancer 3-Way.

Speaking of one-letter mistakes, I entered the witless protection program. They required me to say that. The change of address cards are nice, though.

Chris Columbus directed "Home Alone." Didn't he also discover America Ferrera?
Having had no luck with dating services, I decided to lower my standards again. This lead to the following letter: "Dear Mr. Quick, thank you for your interest in Russian Mail Order Brides. Unfortunately, Anna says you look like baboon. Olga says baboon's ass. Tatiana says you look like Karl Marx, but aren't as funny."

Then, "Dear Mr. Quick. Thank you for your interest in Death Row Pen Pals. Unfortunately, none of the inmates at Redlands has shown any interest in responding to you."

Then, "Dear Mr. Quick. THank you for your interest in Post-Op Escort Services. Your credit card has been declined."


Anonymous said...

excellent jokes, Acme baby! Vaudeville.

a joke to go with your models anecdotes:

why did baker bring bread to the fashion show???

ans: she wanted to be a ROLL model! Hardy HAR HAR!

Anonymous said...

if you want to go asymmetric, what about Aretha Franklin's gigantic pewter colored bowtie atop of hat. Horrible, but give her good marks for attempt. Would have been symmetrical had she complimented that oversized bow with a pair of those oversized cheap pink plastic sunglasses.

Kel said...

When you sing like Aretha, you can get away with a lot. A LOT.