"There's only one hard and fast rule in running: sometimes you have to run one hard and fast."

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

More supposed humor

Best unsold joke

I went to the bank for a loan, but they said my credit report put up more red flags than the Chinese Olympics.

Expect some version of that done by Letterman this week. It's pretty obvious.


Mr. Quick:

We are rejecting your unsolicited manuscript for an episode of the series "Ugly Betty." It is apparent you have never seen the show and are not familiar with the characters or setting. There has been some debate among the writers as to whether or not your submission was serious or an elaborate prank.

I have never heard of von Recklinghausen's disease, nor leishmaniasis; such matters are best left to medical dramas. Even if they are as disfiguring as you describe, it is preposterous that, if Betty should have them, that she would be sold to the sideshow of a Peruvian circus. This idea would be an insult to both the afflicted and to the ABC Peruvian affiliates.

That you then have the circus tent catch fire and Betty escape with the loss of her eyelids and lips is horrifying. Being then mauled by a panther adds insult to injury. That she would then re-enter the US by stowing away in the hold of a tanker filled with industrial solvent is needlessly sadistic. Having a hurricane strike the tanker and throw it into a salvage yard, where she suffers a series of mechanical mishaps is simply incredible. That you would have all this occur in a single one hour episode causes one to wonder what you would have for a second episode.

Please do not contact us again.

Brendan Davison,
head writer, "Ugly Betty"

This, of course, is not a real letter.


keith said...


that is all.

Matthew Patten said...

even though the letter was not real, I am sure

"please do not contact us again"

is something you have heard a lot in your life :)

By the way, bad spots on a credit report are black diamonds, not red flags. But, metaphors work much better in jokes so I will put my Cliff Claven hat away.

SteveQ said...

Yeah, Matt, I've seen the black diamonds (not on MY report). Originally, I wrote the joke for matchmaking, not money, but it just looked like it would work better for others if it was more universal.

Jean said...

Even as I have never seen "Ugly Betty" except for the commercials, I can't help but think your premise would be a vast improvement! :)

That was too funny!