"A man's gots to know his limitations." (Strother Martin in "Cool Hand Luke.")
Sometimes, you have to beat yourself up pretty badly before you think maybe it's time to rethink things. I guess I made it to that point.
The physical stuff: plumbing and wiring
Athletes tend to have more irregular heartbeats than non-athletes; I've never known why, but it's true. Caffeine in high doses can cause heart irregularities. Dehydration and mineral imbalances can lead to missed or extra heartbeats. I have a common genetic flaw that causes the same problem (Wolff-Parkinson-White atrial fibrillation. Perhaps as many as 1 in 300 people have it; 1 in 100 EKGs show it). It appears I fell at Afton not because I tripped but because my heart stopped working for a few seconds.
I have to cut down on the caffeine and take more care of my hydration. Other than surgery (my brother Bill had it as an outpatient, he calls it "spot-welding of the heart") and blood thinners, there's not much else I can do about it, if I'm going to keep running.
Physical stuff 2: Bones, muscles, etc.
1) Shoulder sprain. Not worth mentioning further.
2) Bone bruise (femur). Not serious.
3) Hip dislocation. I got off miraculously easily. I can't sleep on my left side, or sit in one position, but there was no real damage once it was put back. When it happened, it was the most painful thing imaginable... until I pushed it back and then it was the second most painful. One should never try to fix it oneself (it's generally a two-person job) - that was just stupid on my part - but there was no numbness or coldness and my toes didn't turn inward, so I was pretty sure I had it right. I could've crippled myself.
I walked half a block yesterday. I'll run by the weekend. Slowly.
They tried to make me go to rehab...
I can't bike or swim or row to keep up my endurance, so it's going to have to be rest and walking until I can do more. I'm going to have to start a stretching (yoga) program and start weight training (yawn). I hate cross-training.
The mental stuff
Apparently, I'm depressed. I've had periods of depression before (I give them names: the Abyss, the Black Hole, the Monster) and know what to do. I just need to actually do those things, rather than say I know I should do them.
I need to surround myself with positive, encouraging people. Trailer park goth girl won't cut it.
I need to be less Spartan. A little escapism and luxury is not going to kill me.
I need to remember what it is I like. I need to get back to running because I want to do it, not as some procedure to get me where I'm going. I need to remember to take in the scenery, to be with kindred spirits, to play.
I need to reconnect with my spiritual side. I need to get out of myself and think about others. I need to create. I need to relax. I need to laugh.
I really need to clean this keyboard.
Lovin', touchin', squeezin'
23 hours ago